


New Light

by Stvrryeyed



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Discussions of Homophobia, F/M, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, I try to be funny, Internalized Homophobia, It's up to yall to decide how well that went, Light Angst, M/M, Mostly Fluff, Pennywise does NOT make an appearance because fuck him, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, a mix of book and movie canon, discussions of child abuse, it's about the found family, reddiebang19, some chatfic elements but it's mostly prose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:21:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 38,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25629631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stvrryeyed/pseuds/Stvrryeyed
Summary: Eddie Kaspbrak is a college sophomore stuck in a major he hates and burdened with a mother who loves him in all the wrong ways. He figures if he keeps his head down for the next few years he can graduate and leave his hometown behind for good. Of course, things rarely ever go to plan.A story about creating a better home, becoming yourself, and falling in love along the way.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Patricia Blum Uris/Stanley Uris
Comments: 22
Kudos: 93
Collections: Richie/Eddie Bigbang 2019





	New Light

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for clicking on this story! I really appreciate you giving this a shot, a lot of hard work went into this behemoth and not just from me!!! My artist, @illicitaffairrs on tumblr, has been so great throughout this whole process. Not only is she incredibly talented, she also is straight-up one of the best people I've ever had the pleasure to meet. I am so glad I chose to enter this bang because of the wonderful friendships I have made as a result. 
> 
> Here is her absolutely top-notch playlist that she made for this fic, highly recommend giving it a listen: 
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3ZE1gdE2XkndZH33wlpLfh?si=cSwzkLQ8Q1eveXCZao_SQg
> 
> And here is a masterpost where you can see her gorgeous moodboard as well: 
> 
> https://the-bird-of-wisdom.tumblr.com/private/625166508924059648/tumblr_jyxTwQtoKwG8IRlT7
> 
> Anyway, that's all for now! I hope y'all enjoy :))

**September 13, 2018- 11:26 AM**

Eddie Kaspbrak did not like his English class for three reasons:

  1. He’s a college sophomore, so why the hell is he being forced to read Fahrenheit 451 again?
  2. His major is fucking Business.
  3. The dude that sits at the table in front of him never actually pays attention and is usually watching basketball with the sound on. 



In fact, the only thing that makes the whole class bearable is his table partner, Bill Denbrough. They didn’t really talk that much and they had never hung out outside of class, but when someone in class would do something ridiculous, Bill and Eddie would share a Look and fight back laughter. 

Honestly, it’s one of the best parts of Eddie’s day.

Which says a lot more about the state of his life than he would have preferred. 

“Hey, Eddie. W...w-hat’s going on?” Bill greets Eddie the same way every Tuesday/Thursday, Eddie appreciates the routine. Routine’s keep him safe. 

“The same shit as usual. What about you?”

Routine’s keep him bored. 

Eddie knows that the conversation is stilted, and he knows that he has the power to do something about it, but he just keeps reading off the same script as always. Some days he desperately wishes he were a different, more interesting, person. 

This is one of those days. 

“Actually, I was wondering if you w...w-anted to live with me and a few of my friends next year?” 

Well...  _ that _ wasn’t in the script.

Eddie imagines that if this was a movie the sound editing people would insert a needle scratch here. Hearing Bill break from their usual conversation feels like waking up, or surfacing after being underwater. 

“What? Really? You want me to live with you?”

Bill laughs and places his laptop onto the table, “Yeah man, that cool with you?”

“Holy shit, yeah that’s cool with me. But I’ve got to warn you, all my past roommates agree that I’m an absolute nightmare to live with.” The guy he was living with the first semester of his freshman year was cool, despite the fact Eddie was pretty sure he was in the mob, but quickly got fed up with Eddie’s constant disinfecting and phone calls with his mother. He moved out over winter break. And his roommate for the second semester willingly admitted to Eddie that he couldn’t wait until the end of the year when they didn’t have to live together anymore, which was honestly just rude, “That’s why I’m by myself this year.”

“That’s fine.”

“Also, I stress clean.”

“Okay, I’m definitely good with that.”

“I don’t like going out and I’m always doing homework.”

“If that works for you, that works for me.”

“I’m allergic to basically everything.”

“Eddie,” Bill says with a smile and a raised eyebrow, “It sounds like you’re trying to convince me that living with you is a bad idea.”

“It’s just…” Eddie heaves a great sigh and runs a hand through his hair, “You’re my friend Bill. And I don’t want you to stop being my friend because I drive you crazy with all the dumb shit I do.”

“You r...r-eally don’t have to worry Eddie, my current roommate snorts coke off the printer. Basically anything is an upgrade at this point.”

“He snorts it off the  _ printer _ ?”

“Yeah, he says it’s the right height. Apparently snorting it off the desk hurts his neck? Anyway, you don’t have to decide right now, I mean you haven’t even met the other g...g-uys yet.”

Eddie takes a moment to respond, “I’m sorry I’m still stuck on the printer cocaine,” Bill laughs loudly, causing Basketball Boy to turn in his seat to glare at them. Eddie flips him off and the dude turns around with a muttered, “Asshole.”

(“Eddie-Bear! Where did you learn language like that? I knew sending you to public school was a mistake, you used to be such a good boy. But good boys don’t swear. It’s probably best if you just stay home, I can keep an eye on you here.”)

“I’m definitely going to have to ask my mom before I commit to anything and I actually don’t even know where you guys are planning on living, that’s gonna be a factor for sure. But, yes, I would like to live with you, yes.”

“Cool.” Bill’s smile grows wider, “Give me your phone so I can add you to a group chat with the guys. Maybe we could all do lunch at some point?” 

“Sure, that sounds great,” Lunch is more or less a nightmare for Eddie; even though it’s been nearly a month since he last saw her, he could still hear his mom in his head telling him all of the foods he’s allergic to (“Shellfish, tree nuts, peanuts, gluten, milk, eggs, wheat…”). Eddie has known for years that most of that list is a lie. Sonia Kaspbrak lied to Eddie a lot when he was growing up, something he only realized when he was 14. And yet, he still went home to her every summer and he still hadn’t tried shellfish or tree nuts or lactose. Eddie knew that his relationship with his mom wasn’t healthy, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop going back to her. She’s his mother after all. 

So he stayed trapped in the same cycle, like his first-grade class hamster on his squeaky fucking wheel. 

Eddie was, of course, never allowed to take the hamster home. 

“Alright,” Professor Lisctz calls their attention to the front of the room as Bill slips Eddie’s phone back to him, “Laptops closed everybody, we’re discussing pages 65-130 today and I want everyone to participate.”

Nobody closes their laptops.

Bill and Eddie share a Look.

**September 13, 2018- 12:49 PM**

**University Crew: It’s A Groupchat Guys**

**_Bill Denbrough_ ** **:**

Okay! This is everybody interested in a room in the University Apartments next year. 

This is Bill btw

**_Eddie Kaspbrak:_ **

My name is Eddie. Nice to meet you all.

**_Ben Hanscom:_ **

Hi Eddie! I’m Ben

**_Mike Hanlon:_ **

i’m mike! and also why would you make this chat in groupme? why would you do that to us bill?

**September 19, 2018- 12:18 PM**

**The Boys**

**_Billiard:_ **

Where r u guys sitting?

**_Eddie Kaspbrak:_ **

I got a seat against the wall, by all the windows. 

It’s right next to the weird picture of three guys jogging. 

**_Ben JAMMIN’:_ **

I think I see you

**_Mic:_ **

running behind, had a good conversation with my ethics professor

**_Billiard:_ **

Jogging men picture, got it

**_Ben JAMMIN’:_ **

Just waiting on you Mike

**September 19, 2018- 12:27 PM**

**The Boys**

**_Billiard:_ **

Holy shit Eddie just did a backflip!

**_Ben JAMMIN’:_ **

I didnt know Eddie could tap dance

**_Eddie Kaspbrak:_ **

Flatterers

It’s too bad that Mike isn’t here

He’s going to miss my pole dancing seminar

**_Ben JAMMIN’:_ **

Poor Mike :’(((((

**_Mic:_ **

dont pole dance without me

**_Billiard:_ **

2 late

**_Mic:_ **

im here, where are the jogging men

**_Eddie Kaspbrak:_ **

By the windows.

**_Mic:_ **

Found you

**October 30, 2018- 4:13**

**Don’t Give Eddie Reeses Or He’ll Die**

**_Ben “Muscles” Handsome:_ **

I want to go trick or treating :(((((

**_Micholas Handlong:_ **

we should go

**_Big Dick Bill:_ **

I have a quick Fred costume I can whip out

**_Ben “Muscles” Handsome:_ **

Fred like Scooby Do Fred??? Or sleep paralysis demon internet star Fred??

**_Micholas Handlong:_ **

*scooby doo

it has 2 os

all real scooby doo fans know that

**_Big Dick Bill:_ **

Scooby Doo Fred

I have class

**_Ben “Muscles” Handsome:_ **

My bad Mike, I’m so ashamed :((((

Ooooh I could be Velma I have an orange sweater, no red skirt but I could figure something out

**_Micholas Handlong:_ **

i think i could pull off daphne 

**_Big Dick Bill:_ **

YES

**_Ben “Muscles” Handsome:_ **

Eddie gets to choose between Shaggy and Scobby

**_Big Dick Bill:_ **

Eddie

**_Micholas Handlong:_ **

eddie

**_Ben “Muscles” Handsome:_ **

Eddie

**_Big Dick Bill:_ **

Eddie

**_Big Dick Bill:_ **

Eddie

**_Edward Clapback:_ **

Fuckers, I’m in class

**_Big Dick Bill:_ **

Do you want to be Shaggy or Scooby

**_Edward Clapback:_ **

Stellar choices

Can I be Scrappy

**_Ben “Muscles” Handsome:_ **

NO

**October 31, 2018- 7:37 PM**

“I cannot believe you’re dressed up as fucking Scrappy Doo,” Mike frowns at Eddie’s half-assed costume, “Like, literally any other character would have been preferable.”

Eddie rolls his eyes and presses the doorbell of the house blaring loud music the four of them have wandered up to, “You guys have got to get over my Scrappy costume, we’ve been out here for like an hour and every five minutes one of you assholes is shitting on Scrappy Doo. It’s ridiculous.” 

Ben, who is dressed in an orange sweater and red corduroys that he borrowed from one of his hallmates, lightly bumps his shoulder into Eddie, “I think your costume is great-”

Eddie interrupts with an exclaimed, “Thank you!” and rings the doorbell for the second time. 

“But,” Ben continues, “All of this bullying could have probably been avoided if you hadn’t chosen to dress as one of the worst characters to ever grace the small screen.”

This makes both Bill and Mike burst out in laughter, “Ben’s not wrong, man.”

Bill nods his agreement, but Eddie suspects Bill would agree with anything Mike says as long as he’s wearing the purple romper that makes up his Daphne costume. He’s been speechless all night, except for when he’s needed to choose what house they’re going to hit up next... or to agree with Mike. 

“Yeah, I know he sucks. That’s why I’m dressed as him.”

“Right, sure,” says Mike, disbelief in his voice. 

“It’s ironic!”

It’s at that moment that the door swings open, revealing a guy Eddie doesn’t recognize, but who clearly recognizes Bill. 

“Bill Denbrough! Welcome to the party, bro!”

Bill looks caught off guard and quickly drags his gaze away from Mike, “Oh hey,” Eddie has to stifle a laugh when he realizes that Bill has no fucking idea who this dude is, “Uh, we’re actually not here for the p...p-arty. We were trick-or-treating, so… you got any candy?” Mike visibly cringes and Ben shuffles to the side of the small porch they’re standing on, almost like he’s trying to hide from whatever is about to happen.

The dude in the doorway blinks slowly, “Oh. Uh… we ran out of candy a while ago.”

This is the worst. 

Eddie wishes he wasn’t up front and could hide like Ben. 

“That sucks.”

“Yeah…” For a moment the only noise on the porch is the delighted screams of the trick-or-treaters on the road behind them and the extremely loud music coming from inside the party, “So, do you guys wanna come in? We have alcohol.” 

Bill makes eye contact with all three of them, silently asking what they want to do. He must get his answer because he turns back to the Unknown Partygoer and says, “No thanks, but we appreciate the invite.”

“You sure dude?” He glances at Ben, Mike, and Eddie, “Trick-or-treating is sort of lame.”

“We’re sure.” 

Eddie can’t help but notice that Bill looks more like himself in that moment than he has all night. Ben seems to notice it too, because he stands a little straighter and moves into the porch light. The smile on Mike’s face at Bill’s words is quiet and private, and Eddie turns away the second he notices it. 

“Actually, I hate to ask this, but can I use your bathroom before we go?” asks Mike, his earlier smile replaced with something more plastic. 

“Oh totally, bro. It’s on the left, down that hallway.” 

Mike waves politely as he steps into the house and the guy turns back to Bill, “You guys can wait inside for your friend, if you want, it’s kind of cold out here.” 

Bill and Ben both immediately accept the offer and step into the house, but Ben turns back when he notices that Eddie isn’t following them, “You coming Eddie?”

“Definitely not, I can see the spilled beer on the floor from here. Besides, unlike the rest of you I actually dressed for the weather.” Eddie punctuates this statement by gesturing to his fuzzy brown coat. 

“I can wait out here with you-”

“Don’t worry about it, your hands are turning blue and I can handle being by myself for five minutes.” 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Eddie huffs, overdramatically exasperated, “I’m sure.”

And then Eddie is alone. 

(Inside the house, Mike fights his way through the tight crowd and bumps into a tall, curly-haired boy with glasses who also happens to be dressed like Daphne. They share a few words before a red-haired girl pulls the other boy deeper into the party, on the hunt for someone they refer to as Birdboy. Mike eventually finds the bathroom. It’s not on the left.)

**November 22, 2018- 12:18 PM**

**Don’t Give Eddie Stuffing Or He’ll Die**

**_Ben “Muscles” Handsome:_ **

Thankful for you guys this Thanksgiving

**_Big Dick Bill:_ **

Thankful for a few days off school

And you guys I guess

**_Micholas Handlong:_ **

thanksgiving is a bad holiday meant to erase the crimes committed against native people

but i am glad to have become friends with you all

**_Eddie Clapback:_ **

Thankful for my friends this random day in late November.

**_Micholas Handlong:_ **

:)

**_Ben “Muscles” Handsome:_ **

*Thankful for you guys this random day in late November

My bad, sorry!

**December 25, 2018- 9:34 AM**

**ABBA is Good You Guys are Just Mean**

**_Ben There Done That:_ **

MERRY CHRISTMAS

**_Micholas Handlong:_ **

merry christmas

**_Billiam the Second:_ **

Merry Christmas!!

**December 25, 2018- 3:50 PM**

**ABBA is Good You Guys are Just Mean**

**_Micholas Handlong:_ **

all good eddie?

**_Billiam the Second:_ **

His mom can be a lot

**_Ben There Done That:_ **

Merry Christmas Eddie

We love you, see you soon

**_Micholas Handlong:_ **

merry christmas eddie

**_Billiam the Second:_ **

Can’t wait to see everyone soon, I found some really cool christmas presents for you guys. 

Merry Christmas Eddie!

**December 26, 2018- 3:34 AM**

**ABBA is Good You Guys are Just Mean**

**_Eddie Kaspbrak:_ **

Merry Christmas guys. 

**January 1, 2019- 2:54 AM**

Eddie is ready to go home. He’s spent two weeks with his mom, but it feels more like two months. He can’t remember winter break freshman year being this bad, spending time with his mother had been draining, but not utterly soul sucking. 

Since being back in Derry Eddie has barely slept. At night all he can do is scroll through Instagram and stare at pictures of himself on his friends profiles. He knows what he’s doing is unhealthy and a bit narcissistic, but Eddie can’t help it. 

He looks happy with Bill, Mike, and Ben. 

(“Oh Eddie, are you really friends with people like them?”)

There’s not a single picture in this entire house where Eddie’s smile is even half as big as it is in any of these photos. Eddie knows that’s wrong. Coming back to this house shouldn’t feel like going to prison, hugging his mom shouldn’t feel like being smothered. He should love his mom because he loves her, not because he feels like he has to. 

“Fuck.” The expletive is whispered into his vacant room.

No one hears him. 

**February 18, 2019- 12:36 PM**

Bill drops his plate down next to Eddie in the dining hall, “God, it’s weird not being in class with you anymore.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Bill nods and chomps down on a french fry, “In my creative writing class I keep turning to send you ‘the Look’ whenever a pretentious w...w-hite boy reads some of his shit writing aloud.” 

Eddie snorts through a bite of his salad, “Bill, you’re a pretentious white boy.” 

“But at least I know it.” 

“Hey guys!” Eddie smiles at Ben as he approaches the pair already seated and takes a seat in the booth next to Bill. 

“I bumped into Mike on my way over and he told me to tell you that he got roped into tabling for the history club’s movie night. He’s gonna be there for the next hour.” Eddie can’t help but frown at Ben’s plate, all he’s grabbed is a salad with lettuce, sliced carrots, and olive oil. He’s about to say something about it when Bill kicks him under the table.

“Fuck!”

Ben sends Eddie a confused glance, “Yeah, it sucks.” 

Eddie tries to kick Bill back, but misses and accidentally kicks the table leg. 

“Anyway, I thought we could bring him some food? Since he has class soon, you know?”

Bill has to fight against his smile at Eddie’s misfortune, “That’d be nice, God knows M..m-ike does enough for us. What do you think Eddie?” 

“I’m in,” Eddie says with a shrug, “Where did they put him?” 

“The student center.” Ben tucks into his shitty salad with gusto and Eddie wonders what else he’s going to eat today. 

“I’ll text him...,” Bill speaks in between bites of his pizza, “...and ask what he wants for lunch,” Eddie cringes when Bill grabs his phone with greasy fingers and has to physically fight the urge to grab the wet wipes out of his fanny pack. 

(“The other boys are dirty Eddie, they never wash their hands. You don’t want to play with germy little boys, do you?”)

“So, Eddie. Haven’t seen you in a bit, how are classes?” Eddie winces, reminded of all the times he’s had to cancel on his friends to do homework or talk to his mom. Ever since winter break she’s been calling a lot more often, Eddie thinks she probably noticed how miserable he was and became worried that he was pulling away from her. Whatever the reason, it means Eddie basically spends all his down time on the phone with Sonia Kaspbrak. 

“Sorry about not being around Ben. I’ve been pretty busy with class and homework.”

“Yeah? Heavy course load this semester?” 

“More than what I had in the fall for sure. Lot of finance and math classes this semester, which is the worst, but I’m getting through it. Can’t complain.”

“Cool. How’s your mom?”

“Fine, I guess.”

“She’s been calling a lot recently.” 

Eddie glances to Bill, expecting him to intervene in Ben’s questioning, but he’s too busy smiling down at his phone. 

“I mean, I guess? She’s my mom, she calls me sometimes. That’s how it works.”

“I was just worried that something was wrong, I don’t remember her checking in as much last semester.”

Since when did Ben have this much of a backbone? Usually it’s Bill that interrogates him about his home life.

“Like I already said, she’s fine.”

“Okay, but-”

“Jesus Ben! Lay the fuck off okay? Everything’s fine.” That gets Bill’s attention, his head snaps up and his eyebrows furrow as he glances between the other two, “W...w-hat’s going on?”

“Nothing! Nothing is happening.” Eddie can feel the eyes of strangers trained on him and suddenly he just needs to be back in his lonely dorm room. Far away from everybody else.

“Sorry Eddie, I didn’t mean-”

“It’s fine,” Eddie shuffles out of the booth and scoops up his empty plate, “I just remembered I have some work to do. Say ‘hi’ to Mike for me.” He’s gone before either of them can protest. 

(On the way out of the dining hall Eddie slams into a boy and knocks his glasses to the floor. Eddie calls out sorry, but doesn’t stop to help.)

**February 18, 2019- 5:48 PM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Me:_ **

Sorry for snapping at you

**_Ben Hanscom:_ **

It’s fine   
<3

**February 18, 2019- 6:23 PM**

A knock sounds at his dorm room door, interrupting Eddie’s very important Econ reading. Although, if he’s being honest, he’s mostly been glaring at the page in lieu of actually studying. 

Eddie doesn’t get a lot of visitors, even his friends have only been here once or twice, so he figures it’s probably just his RA handing out stickers or candy or some other cheap gift. Eddie pushes to his feet, exhausted by both his work and the emotional turmoil of upsetting Ben Hanscom, the nicest person on the planet. 

He shuffles to his door, kicking his too small backpack (“We don’t want you to hurt your back, now do we sweetheart?”) out of the way as he goes. Eddie whips open the door, a disinterested platitude on the tip of his tongue, but the person standing before him is definitely not his RA.

“Mike? What the hell are you doing here?”

The boy in question shrugs and offers a kind smile in return, “Just thought I’d check in. Ben and Bill said you were weird at lunch.”

Eddie tips his head back and groans, “I told them it was nothing.”

“And they didn’t believe you. Can I come in or…?”

“Yeah, sure I guess.” 

Eddie’s room is probably the cleanest room on campus. It’s also impossibly small and upsettingly dark. Apparently, it used to be a study room, but after a large boom in student population the space was converted into a single occupancy bedroom. This information did not surprise Eddie, the only window in the place is about one foot by one foot and one of his walls is still a dry erase board. The only decor in the room is the stuff supplied by the school; one bunk bed, one dresser, and a tiny desk all made from the same nasty orangey-brown wood. Eddie looked it up and apparently something like 80% of college and high-school furniture is made in prisons by convicted criminals. Naturally, everything received a thorough scrubbing after he learned that gem. 

Mike doesn’t seem to be perturbed by the lack of personal touches, he blows right past the empty frame sitting on the dresser and sits down on the clinically white bed sheets. 

He doesn’t say anything, which Eddie thinks is definitely weird. 

“Look, I was rude to Ben. I feel bad about that, honestly, it’s like I kicked a puppy. But he was being a bit pushy over literally nothing, questioning me about my mom and shit like some sort of therapist. I don’t need a fucking therapist. I mean it’s not like she turned up on campus, she hasn’t done that in like a year. I honestly don’t know what Ben’s hang up is.”  _ What am I doing? Why am I defending her like this? What’s wrong with me?, _ “And yeah, she calls a lot, but I’m by myself at school. She’s allowed to be worried about me, she’s  _ allowed _ to call!” 

There’s a moment of silence.

“I’m completely fine.”

And then… 

Mike shrugs, “Okay, whatever you say, man.”

Eddie frowns at his easy acquiescence, he is more sure than ever that Mike is up to something.

“What? Why are you making that face at me?” Mike says with a laugh. 

“Is this a trap?”

At that, Mike’s face splits into a wide smile and he tips backwards so that his torso is on Eddie’s bed while his feet remain planted on the floor. 

“No, it’s not a trap. I’m just not interested in having a conversation you’re not ready for. Ben and I are your friends, not your therapists.”

“I know, I just said I didn’t want a therapist!”

Mike raises his head from the mattress and looks Eddie in the eye, “Looks like we’re on the same page then.”

“Looks like.”

“Cool, so do you have anything fun in this room? Or is it as boring as it looks?” 

“Oh fuck you,” says Eddie, with a grin, “I have my laptop, we could watch a movie.” 

Mike’s face wrinkles in displeasure, “Last time we hung out we watched like five movies. Let’s do something different. Oh!”, he shoots up off the bed, “We should go for a walk and get ice cream.”

“Mike. It’s February. It’s freezing out, why the fuck would we get ice cream?” 

The resulting smile is so powerful that Eddie feels warmer just for seeing it, “Because it’s close by and tastes amazing? Also, I helped Bill pick out your coat, I know it’s heated.”

That’s true, Bill told him all about his trip to the mall with Mike and how they stumbled across the coat and decided that it was the perfect Christmas gift for Eddie. It’s puffier than it needs to be, but Eddie adores the soft periwinkle color and the built-in heater. 

Eddie sighs, but he’s actually sort of looking forward to their mini adventure, “Fine. However! If you get cold I don’t want to hear about it.” 

Mike pumps his fist into the air and just narrowly avoids punching the upper bunk, “Yes Eddie! That’s the spirit. Now go get your coat, it’s snowing and want to get outside before it stops.” 

“You’re going to freeze.” Eddie shakes with a shake of his head and an amused smile. He crosses his room and opens the dresser drawer reserved for his winter gear, it’s packed tightly and Eddie struggles to get it open before Mike walks over to help. 

“Thanks. I think I have too many hats.”

“You think?” 

It takes Eddie five minutes to find the appropriate gear, by the time he’s done he’s made sure that there is absolutely no way for the cold to get to him. 

Mike finds the whole thing hilarious and is nearly crying with laughter, “Dude, you look like the little brother from The Christmas Story. Like if I shoved you over you wouldn’t be able to get back up.”

“Yeah well, when you get frostbite you’ll be wishing you were wearing two scarves.” 

“Am I going to get frostbite on my neck?” Mike is practically doubled over at this point. 

“Shut up.” 

Eddie hopes Mike doesn’t notice the extra hat and gloves he slips into his pocket. 

Nobody is getting frostbite on his watch. 

“Besides,” Mike says, regaining control of himself, “We both know that if I get too cold you’ll just zip me into your coat.” 

Eddie frowns and flashes Mike his middle finger.

But yeah, he definitely will. 

**March 13, 2019- 7:56 PM**

**_Basic Bill:_ **

Can I come by your room

My roommate is snorting coke again

**_Eddie:_ **

Off the printer?

**_Basic Bill:_ **

No its the dresser this time

**_Eddie:_ **

Come on up

Do you need me to let you in?

**_Basic Bill:_ **

I’ll sneak in behind someone

**_Eddie:_ **

Okay, cool!

**March 13, 2019- 8:10 PM**

(Bill is beginning to regret telling Eddie that he would just slip in behind someone, he’s been standing outside the residence hall for 3 minutes and the cold is starting to get to him. Fortunately, just as he begins to consider texting Eddie for help, a dark-haired guy in footie pajamas and uggs comes sprinting out of the building with a bottle of vodka clutched in his arms. Bill slips inside with a hollered thanks, but the boy is already gone.)

**March 13, 2019- 8:14 PM**

Eddie sits at his desk, unable to concentrate, while waiting for Bill to knock on his door. Ever since he hung out with Mike, Eddie has been doing a lot of thinking. On some level, he knows that his mom severely fucked him up. He knows that she’s the reason he carries a fanny pack around his college campus with a basically useless inhaler inside. She’s the reason he spent most of his childhood inside the house or at doctor’s appointments. And she’s also the reason he keeps things buried so deep inside himself, because if Sonia knew some of the shit Eddie knows, she’d never let him leave the house again.

(“People like that are sick, Eddie. Sick.”)

He’s tired of being ashamed of himself. 

(“Sick.”)

But he can’t really help it.

Bill startles him out of his thoughts, “I didn’t know you could unlock these doors.” He strides into the room and dumps his backpack on the ground before flopping dramatically onto Eddie’s bed. 

“I’m pretty sure they’re not supposed to.”

Bill pulls a face, “You might w...w-ant to get that checked out.”

Eddie tries to fight the wave of panic that washes over him, but in the end his efforts are in vain, “What the fuck? How long has my door been broken?”

“I dunno, I just got here.”

“Bill, this is serious! Someone could walk in at any time, oh god, what if someone already has? What if someone has been in here while I was sleeping? I could be murdered Bill! Murdered! That’s so fucking unsafe! If I get killed I swear to god I’m gonna sue the school.”

“If you get killed you’ll be dead. But I’ll totally sue the school for you.”

“That means a lot. But it still doesn’t fix the fact that my door is broken.” Eddie is on his feet now, gesturing wildly at the door in question. 

“Dude, send an email to physical plant. It’ll be fixed before you’re done with classes tomorrow.” 

“That doesn’t help me tonight Bill.”

Bill groans and sits up on Eddie’s bed, “I can sleep over here tonight, if that helps?”

“Great, so now we both get to be killed by a psycho clown.”

“Clown?”

“They suck.” Eddie glances over at Bill’s raised eyebrows, “Don’t question me.”

“No, I’m definitely with you on the clown thing. My brother Georgie almost got r...r-un over by a clown a few years ago.”

“Like with a clown car?”

“No it was a regular car, a clown was just driving.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah, it was terrifying. Anyway, am I spending the night or not?”   
“If you want to, I’m fine with it.”

“Cool.”

“And Bill?”

“Yeah?”

“Take your fucking shoes off before you get on my bed next time. It’s fucking gross.”

**March 14, 2019- 1:05 AM**

The room is dark. Eddie can hear Bill breathing from his spot on the top bunk and can see the glow coming from his iPhone.

“Hey, Bill?”

“Yeah?”

“You asleep?”

“Not physically.”

The room is quiet after that. 

**March 14, 2019- 1:12 AM**

“Hey, Bill?”

A sigh, “Yeah?”

“I think I’m gay.”

Bill doesn’t say anything for a moment.

“Thanks for telling me.”

Then… 

“You’re my best friend Eddie and I love you. You know that, right? No matter what.”

Eddie sniffles, “I know.”

“Good.”

“I’m proud of you Eddie.”

The silence is heavy. 

“You don’t think I’m gross?”

“I don’t think you’re gross. Do you think you’re gross?” 

“Maybe a little.”

(“I want you to stay away from that Miller boy Eddie. His parents may condone that sort of lifestyle, but I for one miss the days when boys were embarrassed to wear skirts.”)

“You’re not, Eddie. You really aren’t.”

“Some people would disagree.”

“They’d be w...w-rong.” 

“It’s like… I know being gay isn’t a bad thing. Objectively it’s just a thing, not good or bad. But it’s much easier to be straight. You know? Sometimes I wish I was fucking normal and got turned on by boobs or whatever the fuck frat boys jerk off to.”

Eddie can hear rustling from Bill’s bunk. Then comes the sound of Bill hitting the floor, “Move over.”

“What?”

“You heard me, move over.”

And so Eddie does. He feels, rather than sees, Bill laying down next to him, “Mike told me that you have some stuff to work through and that we can’t rush you through it. But I need you to know that nobody who matters is going to think you’re gross or not normal.” 

Eddie doesn’t love that his friends talk about him behind his back, but he is glad they care. Even if it can be a real pain in the ass at times. 

“Bill?”

“Yeah?”

“Your breath stinks.”

“That’s ‘cause I didn’t pack a toothbrush, asshole. I’m trying to be nice and you’re throwing it back in my face.” 

“Thanks Bill.”

“No problem Eddie.”

A pause.

“Hey Eddie? You want to know a secret?”   
“Sure?”

“I think… I think I might, possibly, be not entirely straight.”

Eddie hums in agreement, “Because you’re in love with Mike?”

“I’m not in love with him.”

“But you could see yourself loving him someday?”

Bill sighs and Eddie can feel the air against his face, “Yeah, someday.”

**April 1, 2019- 8:45 AM**

**Get Pranked**

**_The Corpse Formerly Known as Bill:_ **

Uh oh, bad news guys, Bill Denbrough has sadly passed on

He wants you to know that he never liked any of you

**_Eddie “Talk Shit, Get Hit” Kaspbrak:_ **

He was so young

**_Mike’s Hard Lemonade:_ **

good riddance

**_Bengay Ointment:_ **

:’’’(((((

**_The Corpse Formerly Known as Bill:_ **

Haha, pranked

**April 30, 2019- 7:54 PM**

**Stream Old Town Road on ITunes**

**_Mike’s Hard Lemonade:_ **

holy shit you guys, you wont believe what eddie and i just did

**_Bill Shatner:_ **

Did you commit a crime

**_Eddie “Talk Shit, Get Hit” Kaspbrak:_ **

Actually, yes.

**_Bengay Ointment:_ **

Wait

Really???

**_Eddie “Talk Shit, Get Hit” Kaspbrak:_ **

I mean, it was technically assault

**_Bill Shatner:_ **

Wait 

What the fuck

**_Mike’s Hard Lemonade:_ **

there was this guy crowded up on a girl who clearly didnt want to be there she kept trying to slip away and shit

**_Eddie “Talk Shit, Get Hit” Kaspbrak:_ **

Yeah, but the asshole wouldn’t let her go

Mike yells “Hey, leave her alone” and the dude flips us off, we are on the other side of the street btw, and we don’t want to go over there because I do not want the shit beat out of me, the dude was huge and had this nasty mullet

**_Mike’s Hard Lemonade:_ **

so i picked up a rock and threw it at him

**_Bengay Ointment:_ **

Wasn’t there a girl near him

**_Eddie “Talk Shit, Get Hit” Kaspbrak:_ **

Yeah but the mullet was in the way 

**_Bengay Ointment:_ **

HA

**_Eddie “Talk Shit, Get Hit” Kaspbrak:_ **

Mike’s rock hits him in the lower back and he turns around just in time for my rock to hit him in the forehead. The girl slips away and he starts running at us so we get the hell out of there

**_Mike’s Hard Lemonade:_ **

eddies really fast guys

**_Bill Shatner:_ **

Did he catch you?

**_Eddie “Talk Shit, Get Hit” Kaspbrak:_ **

No

Thank god

He was PISSED OFF

**_Mike’s Hard Lemonade:_ **

he deserved it

im glad the girl got away

**_Bengay Ointment:_ **

I think this is your origin story

**May 17, 2019- 4:23 PM**

**Eat the Rich**

**_Eddie Kaspbrak:_ **

Hey guys 

So this sucks but my mom doesn’t think I’m spending enough time with her because I’m always texting the groupchat

Basically I’m grounded until further notice. 

She’s taking my phone

**_Bill Shatner:_ **

That sucks dude

When will you get it back

**_Eddie Kaspbrak:_ **

I don’t know

I’m pissed as hell

**_Ben Isn’t Creative Enough to Come Up With a New Nickname:_ **

I wish we could do something 

Don’t forget that we get to move into the new apartment mid August

At the very least we’ll get to see you then :///

Wait I’m a genius!!

We should visit you!!

**_Mike’s Hard Lemonade:_ **

ive never been to maine before

**_Eddie Kaspbrak:_ **

That’s really nice guys, but if I’m still grounded when you visit it won’t matter how far you traveled from, I won’t get to see you.

**_Mike’s Hard Lemonade:_ **

we could break you out

**_Eddie Kaspbrak:_ **

It wouldn’t be worth it. Bye guys, talk to you soon hopefully.

**_Bill Shatner:_ **

This is bullshit

**June 15, 2019- 3:21 PM**

**Eat the Rich**

**_Bill Shatner:_ **

We miss you Eddie

**July 23, 2019- 10:22 AM**

**Eat the Rich**

**_Ben Isn’t Creative Enough to Come Up With a New Nickname:_ **

Things aren’t the same without you Eddie :((

**August 1, 2019- 8:12 AM**

**Eat the Rich**

**_Mike’s Hard Lemonade:_ **

i still think we should break him out

see you soon buddy

**August 15, 2019- 8:27 AM**

Eddie hates the bus. It smells like the bathroom located in the back, everyone is always loud, he has to wipe his seat down with wet wipes before he sits in it, and they make a million stops so the trip takes twice as long as it normally would.

Eddie also loves the bus. Being on it means he’s headed away from Derry and his mother and towards his friends. Finally.

This summer was the worst three months of his life; when he wasn’t at work he was with his mother and all she wanted to do was play board games, watch T.V., and complain about their neighbors. And she did a lot of complaining.

(“Ms. Townshead, you remember her, don’t you Eddie? The unmarried harlot down the street? Well, anyway, she had the audacity to bring one of her terrible pies to the town hall meeting last month. It was pumpkin! In April!”)

But that’s over, for a few months at least, and now he gets to live with his closest friends in an apartment that’s all theirs. Eddie cannot keep the smile off his face as he turns his phone on for the first time in months. 

**August 15, 2019- 8:34 AM**

**Eat the Rich**

**_Eddie Kaspbrak:_ **

I’m on the bus on my way back right now.

**_Ben is Happy to Hear From Eddie:_ **

EDDIE

**_Bill Loves His Friends Especially Eddie:_ **

EDDIE

**_Mike is Eddie’s Favorite:_ **

eddie!!

**_Eddie Kaspbrak:_ **

Nice nicknames

**_Mike is Eddie’s Favorite:_ **

thanks we came up with them yesterday

**_Bill Loves His Friends Especially Eddie:_ **

I told Mike he isn’t allowed to parade around a blatant lie like that

He didn’t listen

**_Eddie Kaspbrak is Happy to Be Going Home:_ **

What lie?

**_Mike is Eddie’s Favorite:_ **

oooooooooh

**_Ben is Happy to Hear From Eddie:_ **

Weird question.

If you’re coming in on the bus, where is all your stuff???

**_Eddie Kaspbrak is Happy to Be Going Home:_ **

My clothes are all packed in suitcases in the bus compartment and mt mom just gave me a bunch of money for decorations and sheets and stuff

**_Mike is Eddie’s Favorite:_ **

if we buy all your stuff at thrift stores we could save some of that money for groceries 

**_Eddie Kaspbrak is Happy to Be Going Home:_ **

I am not buying second hand bed sheets

**_Bill Loves His Friends But Eddie Is Dead to Him:_ **

That’s probably a good call

We’ll figure it out when you get here

**_Ben is Happy to Hear From Eddie:_ **

Excited to see you guys! 

I’m already at the apartment and it’s really nice

Eddie got the biggest room, but he also has the boiler and a tiny window so it evens out

**_Eddie Kaspbrak is Happy to Be Going Home:_ **

How tiny of a window

**_Ben is Happy to Hear From Eddie:_ **

Like 2 feet across 6 feet down

**_Eddie Kaspbrak is Happy to Be Going Home:_ **

That is NOT tiny Ben. I was thinking it was gonna be like last year

**_Ben is Happy to Hear From Eddie:_ **

This is gonna be way better than last year :)))))))))

**August 15, 2019- 4:37 PM**

Target has entirely too many options when it comes to comforters. Bill drove them all to the store an hour ago; it took them 40 minutes to pick out everything else on Eddie’s list, but he’s been staring at a wall of comforters for nearly 20 minutes. 

There’s just too many, even after he decided to buy one of the on sale options. 

“Okay, I have it narrowed down between the black and white chevron, the soft blue quilted one, and that ridiculous salmon pink velvet monstrosity.”

Ben glances up at Eddie from his position on the floor, “If you called it a monstrosity you can probably take it off the list.”

“What? No. That’s actually my favorite of the three, I’m just worried it’s not practical.”

“Dude, if it’s your favorite you should buy it. Put us out of our misery.” Bill’s voice is muffled because he is currently using the monstrosity as a pillow.

“I agree with Bill,” Mike turns to face the group, “I kind of love this blanket, but I already have, like, three. Convince me not to buy it.” 

The blanket in question is a horrible chartreuse with a truly headache-inducing wavy print done in a silvery-white color. It’s hideous. 

“You absolutely have to buy that,” Eddie announces as he pulls the salmon monstrosity out from under Bill’s head and dumps it into their already overflowing cart, “If you don’t buy it, I’ll buy it and give it to you as a Christmas gift.”

“Yeah Mike, you always talk about how you w...w-ant a blanket that can induce seizures. It’s a must buy.”

Mike squints down at his terrible blanket and glances at Ben, “What do you say Hanscom? To buy or not to buy?”

“Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer, The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them. To die—to sleep on the worst blanket in the world.”

“Was that a yes or a no?”

“How did you just have that memorized?” Bill gapes at Ben, who has not moved from his position on the floor. 

(“You don’t want to get sick do you Eddie-bear?”)

Eddie scoffs, “Because Ben’s a genius, next question.” 

“That was a yes Mike. Not getting that thing would be a crime.”

Mike helps Ben off the floor and Bill claps Eddie on the back, “Alright, then. Let’s g...g-o home.”

The other two boys give shouts of approval, but Eddie can’t help thinking that he’s already there. 

**September 13, 2019- 12:54 AM**

In Eddie’s opinion “Thirsty Thursday” is a dumb tradition. That’s mostly because their new apartment faces the street that 50% of the student population walks up and down all weekend when they’re on the hunt for a house party or a bar that doesn’t card. Honestly, it’s one of the only downsides to the place.

Their apartment consists of four bedrooms centered around a common space, including a kitchen and a living room. All four rooms have their own bathrooms and walk-in closet, but Eddie somehow managed to get lucky and ended up as the one with the largest bathroom. By some miracle, there’s enough room in the cabinet under his sink for every single one of his cleaning supplies. Eddie loves the new place, he really does.

But on nights like tonight, he seriously considers moving. 

Eddie has to be up at 8 AM on Friday morning, and the assholes outside the common room window don’t seem to get that based on the sheer volume of their conversation. 

With an aggravated grunt, Eddie heaves himself off his bed and stomps down the short hallway to his bedroom door, which he dramatically tears open. When he steps into the common space he is greeted by the sight of Ben bearily blinking at him in the dark. 

“Couldn’t get to sleep?” Ben asks, yawning.

“No. I couldn’t, but I’m going to.”

“Eddie? What are you… ?”

Eddie marches over to the counter, grabs the tub of peanut M&M’s that Mike brought with him and then crosses over to the sliding door that leads to their tiny balcony.

“Eddie? Are you sure this is a good idea?”   
“I have a test at 8:30 tomorrow and I need my fucking sleep, those assholes have been screeching outside our apartment for 30 minutes now. I’m going to teach them some common fucking decency.” And with that, Eddie slides open the door and peers over the wrought iron handrail. 

The assholes who have been Eddies’ mortal enemies for the last 30 minutes don’t seem to notice him at first. It’s a pair, one boy and one girl, as far as Eddie can tell. They’re both smoking, which is so unbelievably stupid that Eddie actually hates them more now. The girl, a redhead, says something under her breath that makes the dark haired boy throw his head back and laugh. 

For some reason, that’s the final straw for Eddie.

“Hey, assholes! It’s fucking midnight and we’re trying to sleep up here. Shut the fuck up!” And then, to really get his point across, Eddie chucks a few M&M’s at them. Back inside the apartment, Ben shakes his head and sighs.

Both of them look up at his shouts and Eddie has to take a second, because of fucking course the dark-haired asshole is unfairly hot. 

Eddie can not catch a break.

A slow grin crawls its way across the boy’s face, “Did you just throw something at us?”

“Yeah, hope you’re not allergic to peanuts, fucker.” Internally, Eddie winces, he had been trying to sound cool. Unfortunately, Eddie has never been cool in his life. 

The girl laughs, “We’re not, but thanks for the concern.” 

“I’m not concerned, I just didn’t want a murder charge on my permanent record.” 

“Sure, cutie. We believe you.” For some reason he says this with a terrible southern drawl.

“Go to hell,”  _ Why am I blushing? _ , “No literally, go to hell. I have to be up at 8:30 for an exam and if I don’t get at least seven hours I’ll be fucking useless in the morning. I  _ need _ to sleep.”

“Want some company?” 

“Screw you.”

“Only if you say please.”

Eddie finds himself having to hold back a laugh, he figures it must be late night hysteria because there is no way he actually finds this dick funny. 

“That doesn’t even make any sense asshole.”   
“You’ll have to excuse me, I’ve done like seven shots in the last 2 hours. My witty repartee is not up to its usual standards. My name is Richie by the way, what’s yours gorgeous?”

“Fuck off.”

“Hmmm… never heard that one before. Is it Polish? What do you think Bev? Polish or Danish?”

The girl, Bev, laughs and takes a drag of her cigarette, “It’s definitely Norwegian.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, “Yeah, okay. Sure, it’s Norwegian. Goodnight.” He steps back into the apartment and moves to slide the door shut, but he gets cut off.

“Wait! I still don’t know your name.” 

“And you’re not going to, dipshit.” 

The door is nearly shut at this point.

“If you want us to go away, tell me your name.”

Bev groans, “Rich…”

Eddie can feel Ben come up behind him, “Sorry. Do you mind?” Ben gestures with his head towards the door.

“Be my guest.” Eddie adjusts his position so that Ben can be in the door, this means he loses sight of Richie and Bev. He can still see the smoke wafting up from their cigarettes, only incensing Eddie further. 

Ben opens the door again and leans out, “Roommate here, sorry to jump in, but coercion is not the way to get someone’s name. It’s actually super creepy.”

It’s silent for a second, “Yeah. Okay. That’s fair.” A silence stretches between the four of them, and then Richie yelps a bit, like he received a sharp elbow to the side. “Right, fine. Sorry for being a creep!” His tone somehow manages to walk the line between actually sorry and too drunk to take anything seriously. It’s sort of impressive.

For a moment, Eddie thinks they’ve left, but then Bev calls out from below, “What about your name?” 

Ben startles, “Me?”

Eddie can hear her laugh, it sounds kind, “Yeah, what’s your name?” 

“Oh, I’m Ben.” 

Eddie can only see the back of his head, but he’d bet a hundred bucks that Ben is blushing.

“Ben…?”

“Hanscom.”

“Cool, see you around Ben Hanscom.”

“Yeah, see you!”

Richie and Bev’s voices grow quieter as they walk down the street, away from campus. Ben waits until they are out of view before he closes the door, “They were nice.”

“Bev was nice. Richie was a demon shaped like a thrift shop disaster.”

Ben laughs, his face still red from his conversation with Bev, “His outfit wasn’t that bad.”

“Hawaiian shirts are for dads at barbeques only, Ben. Everybody knows that.”

“Lesbians can wear Hawaiian shirts. Lesbians can wear anything.”

(“Girls who like girls are just confused. They’ll wisen up soon.”)

“Yes, fine. Lesbians and barbeque dads, but that’s it.” Eddie punctuates this declaration by waving his hand in a sharp chopping motion, it makes his statement feel very final. Ben laughs at Eddie’s antics and steps into his room, “Night, Eddie. Thanks for being tough enough to yell at loud strangers.” He sends Eddie a sleepy smile as he retreats into the darkened doorway.

But Eddie stays frozen in the living room.

He’s never been called tough before. He kinda likes it. 

**September 13, 2019- 10:02 AM**

Eddie strides into his apartment and lets the door slam shut behind him. Ben looks up from his place at the kitchen counter and grimaces, “Test went badly?”

“Fuck no, the test went great. My table partner and I got to work together for a section on bootstrapping and we fucking killed it.” Eddie tosses his bag onto the chair next to Ben and pulls out his phone, “The problem is this.”

Ben raises an eyebrow at Eddie’s phone and the corner of his mouth twitches a bit, “Your phone’s off Eddie.”

“Oh fuck this shit.” Eddie sighs, “My phone is useless!” He drags a hand through his hair, his face pinched with frustration. “Whatever, doesn’t matter. Basically, the asshole from last night followed me on Instagram,” If Eddie had been paying attention to Ben, he would have seen his face fall, “Which should be impossible, because I didn’t tell him my name. I didn’t mention any clubs or classes I’m in. I wasn’t wearing my embroidered pajamas. This ‘Richie’ fucker is either a mind reader or a goddamn stalker, and I honestly don’t know what is worse.” In the middle of his rant Eddie started to pace, his shoulders climbing towards his ears and his cheeks reddening the more laps he completed. 

“He’s neither of those.”

“Well, if you have a better explanation I’m all ears.”

“Bev followed me last night and you’re tagged in, like, 5 of my photos.” 

Eddie deflates and sinks into one of the unoccupied chairs, “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, well at least he isn’t a mind reader.”

“I guess it makes sense.” Ben is staring at his hands, so Eddie can’t see his face, but Eddie can hear a tremble in his voice.

“What makes sense?”

“Why Bev asked for my name. For a second I let myself think…” He trails off with a shuddering sigh, “Whatever, it doesn’t matter. I’m going to the gym.” 

For a moment, Eddie doesn’t know what to do. Then, he lashes out with his arm and grabs onto Ben, “Hey, wait.”

“What’s up?”

“You’re supposed to be the level headed one Ben, you’re jumping to conclusions without enough evidence to back your shit up. That’s like a rookie mistake, dude.” 

Ben laughs, but there’s no humor in it, “Eddie, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I have enough life experience to know how the world works. Bev is the kind of beautiful that makes you stop and stare. She’s so much Eddie.” His eyes dart to the window, as if expecting Bev to be passing by, “I looked through her Instagram and, god, she’s probably the bravest, kindest, best person I’ve ever met. And I’ve barely met her! We talked for five seconds and I’m already gone on her.” He trails off, eyes sad.

“Maybe she would be my friend, but she won’t ever fall for me. And that’s okay, really. In the end, as long as she’s happy I can live with that.”

“Bullshit.”

“What?”

“That’s bullshit Ben.”

“Yeah, I got that part.”

“Ben,  _ you _ are the kindest and best person I’ve ever met. You care more than anyone I know, your heart has got to be fucking ginormous and made of steel, or some other strong metal, because the people you care about let you down a lot. Don’t fucking argue with me Ben, I know I’m a tough person to be friends with and I know it hurts you when I lash out over something dumb. But you keep loving us anyway and that’s the best kind of bravery.”

“That’s really sweet Ed-”

“I’m not done yet, asshole. You’re also smart as fuck. Definitely the smartest person in this apartment and probably the smartest person I’ve ever met. Excluding Mike of course, he’s smart as shit.” 

Ben responds, “Of course,” without so much as batting an eye. 

“You design whole ass buildings in your free time! And you write poetry for fun, like some sort of Romantic hero in a fucking Lord Byron… novel? Did he write novels? You know what? Forget Lord Byron. The point is, you’re the fucking best. You protect us and love us and we would be lost without you. And I guarantee Bev saw that last night, because if she’s as amazing as you make her out to be then she definitely couldn’t have missed it. I know you have some issues with your weight, and I’m not gonna tell you to stop going to the gym, but Ben you have to start eating more. Okay? Otherwise you’re gonna pass out on a treadmill and scrape up your whole body and get an infection that kills you. Either that or you’ll get scurvy from your shitty leaf based diet.”

“That’s not what causes scurvy.”

“Really? That’s what you got from my speech?”

“Thanks Eddie.” Even though Ben means it, they both know that Eddie’s improvised speech hasn’t fixed Ben’s problems. 

Eddie is willing to give as many speeches as necessary to make his friend happy with himself, but this isn’t something that can be magically fixed by an outside source. Eddie is aware that in the end, it’s up to Ben. But that doesn’t mean he can’t support him along the way, “No problem.” 

“I love you.”

“Yeah, whatever. You want to watch a movie?”

“Definitely.”

“Cool.”

“Also, I’ve written like one poem in my whole life.”

“Really? I could have sworn you have a poetry journal?”

“Nope, it’s just the one.”

“Huh,” Eddie presses his tongue against the inside of his cheek, the very image of careful contemplation. Eventually he shrugs, “Shut up, get over here and pick a movie with me you one-hit wonder.”

**September 13, 2019- 10:43 AM**

**The Real Aliens Were Us All Along**

**_Edmund Pevensie:_ **

Ben is banned from picking out movies for movie night from now on

**_Michael Scott:_ **

did he make you watch love, rosie again

**_Ben Barnes:_ **

It’s a good movie!!!!!

Eddie cried!!!!!

**_Bill Nye:_ **

Aw Eddie

Love Rosie made you cry

**_Edmund Pevensie:_ **

Wait stop, we are supposed to be making fun of Ben

**_Michael Scott:_ **

its ben

**_Bill Nye:_ **

We can’t make fun of Ben

**_Ben Barnes:_ **

Aww guys 

Uwu

**_Michael Scott:_ **

i take it back

open season bitch

**September 14, 2019- 10:54 PM**

It’s a Saturday night and all Eddie wants to do is curl up in his bed with his ugly salmon comforter and watch trashy television. But his mom has been on the phone with him for the past two hours, asking him about his grades and trying to get him to transfer to a school closer to home. 

Every time she calls it’s the same conversation; like if she asks him enough he’ll reveal he’s actually failing all his classes and desperately wants to drop out to live at home with her and take care of her until they both die in that awful house and their bodies shrivel so they are only skeletons surrounded by the scraps of the clothing they once wore and nobody knows that they’re dead because nobody in the whole world cares about them besides each other. 

“Eddie? Are you even listening to me sweetheart?”

“I’m listening mommy, it’s just that it’s getting kind of late and I was going to wake up early tomorrow to go for a run-” that’s a lie, Eddie jogs in the afternoon on Sundays “- I should probably get to bed.”

“Eddie, you know how I feel about you jogging by yourself. You’re so small, someone could snatch you off the street or you could fall and scrape up your knees.”

“I’m really careful, I promise I won’t get kidnapped.”

“I don’t like it Eddie, I don’t want my little boy getting hurt.”

Anger flares in Eddie’s chest and he has to press his lips together to keep it from spilling out. He can’t afford to step out of line with his mother, literally, he can’t afford it. If Sonia Kaspbrak stops paying for Eddie’s schooling he has to stop going to school, it’s that simple. Eddie forces a tight smile, even though she can’t see him, and says sweetly into the phone, “I won’t get hurt, ma.”

“You can’t be certain of that Eddie-”

And then, like a fucking miracle, Eddie hears Bill calling his name from the main room. 

“Sorry to cut this call short-” another lie “-but Bill needs my help in the kitchen. Love you, gotta go.” 

He can hear her protests through his phone’s shitty speakers even as he pulls it away from his ear and hangs up on his mother. He’ll definitely pay for that tomorrow, but right now he couldn’t care less. 

Eddie walks into the common space to find Bill standing by the window, smiling at something. 

“Hey, Bill. What’s up?”

“Someone is here to see you.”

Eddie knows immediately who Bill is talking about, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” 

Bill seems to find this whole situation hilarious. Eddie is mildly annoyed. 

Sensing that he isn’t going to get any sort of help from Bill’s corner, Eddie strides to the window and decides to just get this conversation over with. 

“What do you want fuckface?”

“Awww, you’ve already given me a pet name. That’s cute Eds.” Sure enough, there stands Richie Tozier aka @dicktozier69 on Instagram. He’s dressed like he picked out his outfit in the dark; his canary yellow bowling shirt, embroidered with the words “Captain Dale”, clashes with his pink and orange t-shirt, which advertises free soft serve at a place called “Big Dog’s”. Richie’s dark, curly hair sticks out in all directions, like he passed through a wind tunnel to get here, and his glasses sit crooked on his nose. Despite all of that, the smile on his face somehow manages to pull the whole look together. 

“Don’t call me that, it’s not my name.”

“I know, but I thought we were doing the nickname thing. You call me fuckface and I call you the love of my life. Give and take. Push and pull. Suck and blow.” 

Eddie is no longer mildly annoyed, he has passed into full on annoyance, especially because Richie is actually sort of funny and Eddie has to keep himself from laughing at his dumb facial expressions. 

“What do you want Richie?”

“Well I was wondering if you wanted to go to a party with me.”

Eddie physically recoils at the thought of going out and screws up his face in disgust, “No thanks.”

Richie looks disappointed for a brief moment, but then his wide smile is back and he’s shrugging, “Worth a shot. What about you Big Bill? Wanna go to a house party with me?”

Eddie had honestly forgotten Bill was there.

Bill squeezes in next to Eddie, “Yeah, I’m down. Sounds like fun.”

“Yes! That’s the spirit!”

“Let me change and take a quick s...s-hower, I’ll be down in ten.” 

“Weird that you’re gonna shower, but whatever works for you I guess.”

Bill rolls his eyes and pats Eddie on the shoulder before retreating into his room. 

Eddie’s face is still scrunched up, but it’s no longer in disgust, now he’s just confused, “Did I miss something? Do you two know each other?”

Richie laughs, “No, we met like five minutes ago.”

“And now you’re going to a party together?”

“Yeah.”

“You get that’s weird, right?”

“Eds, it’s college. My best friend last week hates me this week and he’ll love me again tomorrow, probably. I slept with a girl at a party last Friday and yesterday I found out she’s gonna be my lab partner for the rest of the semester. My weed guy and my TA are the same dude. My girlfriend is also your mother, that’s just how things work.” 

“Oh fuck you Richie. Don’t talk about my mother like that, asshole.”

“You’re warming up to the nickname then?”

“What? No! Don’t call me Eds.”

“Sure thing Eddie Spaghetti.”

The question bursts out of Eddie before he fully realizes he’s going to ask it, “How do you know my name? Did Bev tell you? Is that why she followed Ben?” 

This line of questioning seems to momentarily surprise Richie, “No. Bev followed Ben ‘cause he’s hot and seems cool. I know your name because you have class with my best friend, who is also my roommate. All I had to do was tell Stan about the cute, short, angry boy who pelted me with peanut M&M’s and he knew exactly who I was talking about.” 

For a moment all Eddie can process is that Ben is going to be ecstatic that Bev and Richie think he’s hot. Then his brain catches up to Richie’s mouth, “First of all, I’m not that short. I’m like… average height, asshole. And second, you live with Stan? Stan, as in my table partner from statistics, Stan? Stan who likes to go birdwatching and whose favorite movie is  _ Planet Earth _ ? That Stan?”

“That’s a total lie, by the way. Stan’s favorite movie is  _ Clueless _ and don’t you dare let him tell you different.” 

Despite Eddie’s best efforts, he can feel his mouth twisting into a smile, “How does he put up with you?”

“We’re childhood friends, he doesn’t have a choice.”

“Aahh, that makes sense.”

For a moment, they just stand there and smile at each other. 

Then, Eddie hears Bill turn off the shower. For the second time that night, Eddie speaks without realizing he was going to, “Tell me about this party.”

His question seems to light Richie up, his smile grows wider and he begins to bounce on the balls of his feet, “Well, it’s a house party. This dude from my research class invited me, it’s at his cousin Henry’s house. Apparently, this ‘Henry’ dude is well known on campus for throwing some amazing parties, like tell-your-children-about-them amazing. One time a dude jumped off the roof.”

“Holy shit, was he okay?”

Richie tosses his head back and laughs, “No dude. He jumped off the roof.”

“He died?” Eddie asks, horrified that Richie seems to find this funny.

“Oh yeah, brains all over the sidewalk, super messy,” Richie drags out the ‘u’ in super and smiles up at Eddie, who is beginning to feel physically ill, “I’m totally fucking with you Eds. He landed in the pool, broke his foot on impact, but was otherwise fine.” 

“Jesus, don’t joke around about stuff like that. I thought I was gonna throw up.”

Richie tries to push the smile off his face, but fails spectacularly, “Sorry Eds, didn’t realize you had such a sensitive stomach.”

“Stop laughing. It’s not funny.” But that just makes Richie laugh more, which sets Eddie off because Richie’s laugh is unfairly contagious. 

Eddie manages to get out a breathy, “Shut up,” before Bill emerges from his room with a puff of steam from his ridiculously hot shower. 

“Looks like I missed something.” He says with a wry twist to his lips.

“Is that Bill? Finished getting yourself off finally?”

Bill crosses to the window and stares down at Richie, “I’m b...b-eginning to regret my decision.”

“No! Don’t do that. I promise this will be fun.”

Bill rolls his eyes and gives Eddie the Look.

“Yeah okay, meet me at the far end of the building, by the Starbucks. I’ll come out that door.” 

“Sounds good Big Bill, see you then. Talk to you later Eddie Spaghetti.” 

With an enthused wave Richie sets off down the sidewalk and lifts a full backpack that Eddie hadn’t noticed before onto his back. 

Bill slides the door shut and grabs his keys from the tray, “Okay, I shouldn’t be back too late. I texted Ben and Mike that way they aren’t confused when they get back from their movie, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

Eddie isn’t really listening to Bill, he’s firmly in his own head considering his options.

Option 1: Stay home and binge watch the new Vampire Diaries spin off and have a decent time. 

Option 2: Go to a party with Richie and Bill and possibly hate it or possibly have a really good time. 

Option 3: Go to bed.

It doesn’t take him long to make a decision, “Hey Bill.”

Bill turns back to Eddie, hand on the doorknob.

“Give me a second to change, I’m gonna come with you guys.”

Bill’s eyebrows shoot to his hairline, “You are?” 

“Don’t look so surprised, I can be spontaneous.”

“I know, it’s not the spontaneity that caught me off guard, it’s the w...w-hole ‘going to a party’ bit. The day I asked you to move in with us you said that you hated going to parties. What’s changed?” Eddie does not appreciate the smirk on Bill’s face, it seems to say ‘ _ I know exactly what’s changed _ ’. 

“What’s changed? What’s changed?! Everything has changed Bill. I have friends and a social life, however small that may be. I eat dairy!” Eddie’s basically ranting at this point, his voice raised to the point he is sure the upstairs neighbors can hear, “And I go for morning runs even though my mom tells me not to, I disobey my mom now Bill!” He’s never told anybody exactly what his mom has done to him, even now he is still trying to protect her from his friends' reactions, but Bill knows more about his childhood than anyone else, Eddie desperately hopes Bill understands how big this is for him.

“You ask me what’s changed,” Eddie scoffs, his anger leaving him, “I’ve changed Bill. And I want to go to this dumb party with you and Richie.”

“Well… okay then.” Bill smiles at Eddie, his fondness for his friend written clearly on his face, “You gonna change sometime soon? Or do you want to make Richie wait even longer?” 

“That dick can wait.”

Bill laughs as Eddie ducks into his room and makes a beeline for his closet. 

**September 14, 2019- 11:43 PM**

“Finally! Takes you a real fucking long time to walk down a hallway and a flight of stairs Big Bill.” Eddie trails behind Bill as they exit their building, so he hears Richie before he sees him.

“Sorry man, picked up a straggler on the way.”

“And who would that-” Richie cuts off when Eddie exits the building and his face breaks into a wide smile, “Eds! Can’t believe you’d grace us with your lovely presence.” He bounds over to the pair, throwing an arm around both their shoulders. 

“Yeah, well, I’d feel like an idiot if you two went to a party and saw a guy jump off the roof without me. And don’t call me Eds.” Richie bursts into laughter and Eddie inexplicably feels warm because of it.

“He’s the reason we took so long, by the way. Eddie had to change, because apparently you can’t go to a party in an embroidered pajama set.” Bill says with no heat behind his words. 

Eddie whips out an arm, reaching around Richie, and jabs Bill in the side. 

Hard.

“Ow!”

“You deserve it. But I am sorry we took forever, Richie.”

“Ah, don’t worry about it.” He gives Eddie a once over, taking in his jeans and red sweater, and smiles, “Totally worth the wait.”

Eddie absolutely does not blush. 

Not even a little.

“Fuck off, asshole.”

“Nah, you two would miss me too much. Also, I’m the one with the invite to this party and there is no way you’re getting in without me.” 

For a moment nobody speaks and Eddie worries that this whole walk is going to be full of awkward silence. But the silence only lasts for a moment, because, as it turns out, Richie never stops talking.

“So, Spaghetti, Big Bill. What are your deepest hopes and your truest fears?”

Eddie’s whole face scrunches up, “What kind of question is that?”

Bill laughs and Eddie can’t see him around Richie’s hair, but he can imagine the expression he’s probably wearing. 

“It’s an icebreaker Eds. You get the heavy shit out of the way and then you’re basically bonded for life. That’s science, baby.”

“Crack science, maybe. Icebreakers are easy shit, like your major or favorite color. Not your  _ deepest fear _ ,” says Eddie with a roll of his eyes, “Asking questions like that right out of the gate is only gonna freak people out.”

Richie pretends to think about that for a minute, then turns to Bill, “That’s an interesting take. What’s yours Billy Boy?”

“W...w-ell, traumatic events do tend to bond people to each other. But that’s just an invasive question, I don’t think it qualifies as 100% pure, Grade A trauma.” 

“Bill has spoken,” Richie nods thoughtfully, “I respect your opinion Bill. You seem like a chill guy, like if I brought you home to my mother she’d be proud of my good taste.” 

“I appreciate that Richie. If I brought you home to my m...m-om she’d probably faint in horror.”

Richie winces, “Homophobic?”

“No, you just dress like shit.”

Richie gasps dramatically and stumbles backward, his arms coming loose from Eddie and Bill’s shoulders, “You wound me sir,” It vaguely sounds like he’s trying to do a British accent, but to Eddie’s ears it just sounds bad, “Bev herself signed off on this outfit. Said it makes me look like a rejected Candyland character.” 

“I don’t think that’s a compliment, Rich.” Eddie says over his shoulder.

“Anything is a compliment if you’re deep enough in denial.” 

This time when Richie approaches them, he only puts his arm over Eddie’s shoulders. Eddie tries very hard not to be pleased that their new friend seems to like him better than Bill. 

People never like him better than Bill. 

“Now you sound like the best friend on a mid-2000’s Disney Channel comedy.”

Bill squawks out a laugh so loud the people on the other side of the street turn and give them a dirty look. Richie’s whole face is lit up in a smile as he musses up Eddie’s hair, “Who knew references to Disney Channel were Big Bill’s kryptonite? Look at him over there,” Richie waves his arm, “I can’t tell if he’s this red because of your joke or heat stroke. That’s pretty impressive Eds.” 

“My face is r...r-ed because I made a noise like a startled bird and people were around to notice,” Bill says as his eyes flick over towards the couple on the other side of the road. 

“Ah, what a bummer. Don’t worry Eds, keep refining your jokes and you’ll get there eventually.” 

“I don’t know Richie, I think my comedy career is dead in the water.” 

“Aww, don’t say that Shortstack, I’d say you’re funnier than 95% of the people in comedy, and that includes yours truly.”    
Eddie flattens his hair back into place and shoots a look at Richie, “You’re a comedian? But you’re not funny.” This is, of course, negated by the fact that Eddie has been fighting back smiles and laughter since he exited the building with Bill. 

Eddie’s comment only seems to make Richie’s eyes crinkle in laughter, “That was a good one Eds. Hey, someday when you make it big in the comedy world will you let me open for you?” 

“Depends if you manage to become funny by then.”

Part of Eddie feels bad for leaving Bill out of the conversation, but the other, larger part, is really enjoying the back and forward with Richie. He’s never hit it off with someone like this before, not even Bill. Him and Richie shooting the shit together feels so natural it honestly makes Eddie a little dizzy. 

“I’ll try my best.”

“Are we going the right w...w-ay Richie?” Eddie snaps to attention and turns to face Bill, who is looking around the street they’ve just turned onto with a furrowed brow. The whole place is a bit sketchy; there are no street lights, overgrown foliage bleeds onto the concrete, and the sidewalk is rough and uneven.

“Oh yeah man. This is all upperclassman housing, which means nobody takes care of their shit, but it’s totally safe I promise. Have you guys never partied here before?”

Bill snorts, “Uh, no. If I go to a party it usually takes place in a dorm or in the houses on the w..w-est side of campus.”

Eddie is reminded of Halloween last year and waiting outside of one of those west side houses for Mike to finish peeing. 

“Big Bill! You’re missing out! The parties on the west side are lame, they never get rowdy enough because actual families live over there too. This is where it’s at. Trust me.” Richie turns his excited smile to Eddie, “What about you Eds, ever partied over here before?”

“I’ve been to one party and it was in my freshman year residence hall. So no.” 

This seems to legitimately shock Richie for a moment, but he recovers quickly, “Well, don’t worry Eddie Spaghetti, I’ll make sure you have a good time.” Eddie rolls his eyes at Richie’s inflection, which turns the sentence into a not-at-all-subtle innuendo, “I’ve been to so many of these things I’m basically a pro.” 

Eddie takes in Richie’s appearance with a raised eyebrow, “Are you trying to impress us with the fact that you get invited to a bunch of parties?” 

“I would never! Also, I wouldn’t say I get invited to a lot of parties, more like I show up with good alcohol and they let me in. I’m definitely just as much of a loser as you Eds, don’t worry your pretty little head.” And then he messes up Eddie’s hair again. 

As they progress down the street, the sound of blaring music gets louder and louder, until they eventually stop in front of the house that seems to be the source of the loud music. It’s immediately clear that whoever owns this place has not kept it in great shape. The roof sags and one of the downstairs windows had been repaired with a cereal box and some duct tape. Eddie can see the sheer amount of people inside through the windows and their dancing is quite literally shaking the house. 

Bill looks at the place and then turns to Eddie and Richie, “So, this is the place?”

“Sure is Big Bill.”

Eddie swallows slowly, a feeling of apprehension snaking down his spine, “It looks like it’s about to collapse.”

“Yeah a little bit, but it hasn’t yet.”

The trio is silent for a moment.

Then Bill squares his shoulders and marches up the walkway to the front door.

Richie and Eddie exchange a glance, before Richie breaks the silence, “Well, no use just standing here. Bill isn’t getting in without us.”

“Without you, I think you mean. I’m just an extra.”

“Au contraire my small friend,” Eddie glares at Richie for the comment on his height and also the terrible French accent he attempts, “I’m not going without you, so in actuality it is both of us that Bill needs.”

Bill has reached the door and turns back to look at them with a “Are you coming?” expression on his face. 

Eddie takes a moment to steel himself and shove his mother's voice out of his head. 

(“Eddie you’re such an angel. I’m glad you don’t run around with kids like that.”)

(“I’m sorry sweetheart, but you can’t go to Elias’s birthday party. You know the rules, I need to inspect his home before you-”)

“Hey Eds, you alright?”

Thank God Richie has no volume control. The sound of him in Eddie’s ear is enough to drown out the memories of his mother, for the time being at least. She always comes back.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he flashes Richie a smile and starts towards the house before turning back to Richie, who is still standing on the sidewalk, “And don’t call me Eds.” 

“I think we both know I’m definitely going to continue calling you Eds.” 

Richie bounces up to Eddie, his seemingly boundless energy leaking out into the night air, and once again places his arm on Eddie’s shoulders. 

When the duo finally reach the porch, Bill raps his knuckles against the door and steps back to stand in line with Richie and Eddie. 

And it’s a good thing he does, because the door swings open with enough force to do damage. The guy standing in the entryway looks bored and too sober for a party like this, “Too many dude’s at this party, get the fuck off our porch.” The Asshole in the doorway moves to grab the handle, but Bill’s hand snaps out and pushes the door open farther.

“Hey, w...w-ait a minute. We were invited.” 

Asshole Bouncer sneers at Bill, “Yeah wah-wah-well consider yourself uninvited.” 

Eddie can feel his blood boiling and he opens his mouth to tell Asshole Bouncer exactly where he can stick his shitty fake stutter, but Richie gets there first.

“Listen man, Conner invited us. And I brought all this shit.” Richie steps forward and unzips his backpack with a flourish, “Plus the man at the bodega said no returns and it’s not like I’m gonna drink all this myself.” 

The Asshole roots through Richie’s backpack. Whatever he sees inside must impress him, because he lets out a low whistle and casts an appreciative glance at Richie. 

“Alright, you can go in. But Stutter and the Shrimp stay out here.”

“No deal. It’s all or nothing buckaroo.” 

He purses his lips and makes eye contact with Bill and Eddie, maybe he sees something in their eyes, because he turns back to Richie with a shrug, “Whatever, don’t smoke in the bathroom.” 

Walking past the bouncer Eddie seriously has to fight the urge to hit him. The only reason he manages it is Bill’s hand on his shoulder.

“Jesus Richie, what the fuck was that?” shouts Bill as soon as they make it into the very loud living room.

“I can barely hear you Big Bill.”

Eddie huffs and pushes onto his tiptoes, using Richie for balance. He leans in close to Richie’s ear and yells, “He wants to know what the actual fuck that was! And frankly? So do I.”

When Eddie pulls back he is surprised to find that Richie is blushing bright red and his mouth is gaping, like he can’t quite figure out what he’s trying to say. 

Eddie frowns, “What?”

This seems to snap Richie out of whatever daze he was in, “I’m really sorry about that guy, I’ve had student bouncers give me trouble before, but never like that.”

Bill shrugs and sends Richie a small grin, “Honestly, it’s nothing I haven’t heard before. I’m not gonna let it get in the way of us having a g...g-ood time. So what exactly do you have in that backpack Tozier?” 

Both Richie and Eddie can tell this is Bill’s very heavy handed way of changing the subject, but neither one tries to fight him on it.

“Big Bill, the question you should be asking is what don’t I have in this backpack.”

By this point they’ve made it to the kitchen, it’s small and cramped and there are two separate couples making out on the counters. The countertops are a slate gray color and line two of the four walls, connecting to form an L shape. In the middle of the room is a small island, where a liquor-store’s worth of alcohol is laid out. Against the back wall is an open fridge, Eddie can see a red liquid dripping out of one of the drawers. In short, he’s in hell. 

Fortunately, Richie begins to pull bottle after bottle out of his lime green bag, giving Eddie something else to focus on because  _ holy shit, did he manage to fit a lot of alcohol in that thing _ . 

“Bill you strike me as a gin sort of guy, am I right?”

“Gin’s fine, but I’d definitely prefer just a beer, if you’ve got anything like that.” 

One of the couples that was making out starts slinking over to Richie’s cache of alcohol, but they are so drunk that the girl nearly knocks over a bottle of rum. 

While Richie busies himself with getting Bill a drink, Eddie grabs two clean solo cups, fills them with water and shoves them at the drunk couple with a scowl, “You two can barely stand, drink this and then get out of here before you pass out.” 

The couple looks affronted for a moment, then they turn their glazed eyes to each other, and then back to Eddie and his water cups. 

“That’s nice.” Says the girl with a drunk giggle, she slumps forward and pats Eddie’s cheek, “You’re nice.”

“Yeah, whatever. Drink this.” Both of them do, which Eddie frankly views as a miracle. 

The boy claps Eddie on the shoulder and chugs the water down, while his girlfriend (?) drinks her water much more slowly. Once Eddie is sure they are headed to the front door he turns back to his friends, except Bill is gone and Richie is staring at Eddie with a weird expression on his face. 

Eddie marches over to Richie and studies the array of alcohol on the counter, “So, what should I try first?”

“Um, you ever drank before?” 

For some reason Eddie gets the feeling that looking at Richie right now would be a bad idea, so he keeps his eyes fixed on the bottles, “I’ve had wine and beer and Fireball, but they were all awful and I’d like something that at least tastes good.”

He can hear Richie snort, “Then I’ve got the perfect thing for you Spaghetti.”

Eddie is still refusing to look Richie in the face. He decides to focus on his hands, which is definitely a mistake.    
It’s an embarrassing thought that Eddie will never admit to, but Eddie thinks Richie probably has the prettiest hands he’s ever seen. 

Richie’s fingers skate confidently over the alcohol as he mixes several bottles together in two plastic cups, his knuckles are knobby and Eddie can see tiny scars mixed in with freckles. The freckles in question are barely darker than Richie’s very pale skin, but they stand out like beacons to Eddie. Probably because he has always liked freckles; as a kid, one of Eddie’s favorite parts of the summer was watching his own slowly emerge on his nose. But on Richie it’s somehow different, less of a mildly interesting summer activity and more of a vaguely upsetting, tie-your-stomach in knots sort of thing. 

It’s all too much. 

Eddie once again shifts his focus. This time he decides to train his gaze on the window, because there is no way a window is going to raise Eddie’s heart rate like Richie does. 

It only takes Richie a minute to make his drink, the recipe seems rather simple, he spends the whole time narrating what he’s doing in a variety of voices, but for Eddie it feels like forever. 

“Here you go. One gin fizz for the twelve year old boy with the scowl,” announces Richie in a Trans-Atlantic accent. 

“I’m thirteen actually.” Eddie says as he grabs the cup from Richie and takes a sip.

“My bad, one gin fizz for the thirteen year old boy with the scowl.” 

Eddie is pleasantly surprised by the taste, “Holy shit Rich, this tastes like lemonade.”

“I know! It’s good right?” 

Richie leans against the counter, leg bouncing, clearly pleased that Eddie likes his concoction. Eddie is momentarily distracted by the fact that Richie actually made him something good and forgets his resolution to not look at Richie’s face.

The excitement Eddie finds there is so earnest that Eddie can literally feel his knees weaken. 

But the worst part is the thought that pops into Eddie’s head the moment their eyes snap together.

_ God, Richie has really pretty eyes.  _

_ Oh, fuck. _

“Richie! You made it!”

Eddie spins, cheeks flaming, momentarily grateful for the distraction. 

“Of course I did, man. Thanks for the invite by the way.” 

The man who has just entered the kitchen is tall, taller than Richie even, and has a head of curly blonde hair that is clearly well taken care of. He’s smiling at Richie and stumbles forward to wrap him in a hug.

“It’s good to see you. I was worried you weren’t gonna show.” He pulls away and smiles so softly at Richie that Eddie feels uncomfortable witnessing it. 

Eddie sort of expects Richie to say something dumb and funny to diffuse whatever the fuck is happening right now, but he just smiles back and looks down at his feet.

“Sorry I was late, your bouncer gave us a hard time.”

“Us?”

Richie brightens and tugs Eddie over to the boy, “Conner, meet my friend Eddie, I met him yesterday when he chucked M&M’s at me from his bedroom window. His roommate Bill is around here somewhere too. I invited them along, hope that’s alright.”

Conner doesn’t look pleased, but smiles anyway, “That’s fine of course, but I was looking forward to spending time with you.” 

Okay, Eddie sort of hates Conner. 

“Oh,” Richie looks shocked, like he didn’t think Conner actually liked him, “Well I don’t want to leave Eddie alone…”

“I’m sure he’ll be alright.” Both Richie and Conner turn to look at him, “You’ll be alright, won’t you Eddie?”

Yeah, Eddie definitely hates Conner.

“You can do what you want Richie, either way I’ll be fine.”

_ Please don’t go with him. _

Richie looks torn, “Are you sure, Eds?”

“You know I was joking when I said I was thirteen, right? I’ll be okay.”

“See? He said he’ll be fine.”

Richie nods at Conner, “Okay, I’ll be back soon Eddie.”

“I know.” But Conner has already dragged Richie away and the only people who hear him are the pair still making out by the refrigerator.

Eddie chugs the rest of the drink Richie made for him and then pours himself a full cup of gin, because the only way he’s going to make it through this party is by being very, very drunk. 

**September 15, 2019- 1:08 AM**

As it turns out, drunk Eddie likes to dance. He’s not very good at it, but what he lacks in talent he certainly makes up for in enthusiasm. At some point Bill joins him and they jump around to the beat until Eddie’s calves burn and his mouth is dry. 

“I’m going to get another drink,” shouts Eddie over the music, “You want anything?”

Bill just shakes his head, he’s too busy dancing to offer a real response. 

Fighting through the sweaty crowd hardly bothers Eddie in his inebriated state, although the way his shoes stick to the floor does still make him gag. 

Back in the kitchen Eddie finds that most of Richie’s alcohol is gone, but that is not the most interesting thing he stumbles across. 

No, that would have to be Richie himself; who is sitting on the ground next to the refrigerator, where the second couple used to be, with a nearly empty beer in his hand.

“Eds?”

“Richie? Why‘re you on the floor?”

Richie pushes to his feet and lunges across the kitchen to wrap Eddie in a tight hug, “I thought you left.”

It takes a moment for Eddie’s sluggish brain to catch up with what’s happening, but he gets there eventually and hugs back, “No, no. Bill and I were just dancing. Wouldn’t leave you, idiot.”

“I thought I scared you guys away.” The confession is whispered into Eddie’s hair, they are words not meant to be heard, a quiet explanation for Richie’s seemingly lonely past few hours. 

Comforting people isn’t something Eddie is used to, he struggled through his conversation with Ben, a very close friend and roommate. Richie is a near stranger that he literally just met the day before, even if it does feel like he’s known Richie forever. 

And yet, there’s something deep in Eddie that tells him he has to try, that Richie deserves to be treated kindly and with compassion. 

Steeling himself, Eddie takes a deep breath and tries to blink the hazy filter from his eyes. 

“Hey Rich, look a’me.”

Richie shakes his head and buries his face in Eddie’s neck.

All this responsibility is making Eddie feel way more sober than he is. He sort of hates it. 

“Rich… Richie I need you to look at me. I need you to see my face when I say this.”

Slowly, so impossibly slowly, Richie pulls back to meet Eddie’s eyes.

The words get caught in Eddie’s throat, the part of him that is sober is begging drunk Eddie to not say anything embarrassing, but he pushes them out because he knows that this is something Richie needs to hear, “I know I can be difficult and kind of an asshole, but I’m really glad you came back to our window. And I’m really glad I get this chance to know you and to be your friend, because you’re… well I wouldn’t say cool,” Richie laughs, “But I enjoy spending time with you and Bill does too. We… we... I guess I already said it, but I’ll say it again. We wouldn’t leave you. Idiot.” 

“I like spending time with you losers too.”

“Good, I sort of think you’re stuck with us.”

Richie is beaming now; which, in Eddie’s opinion, is an expression that is much more at home on Richie’s face than the melancholy from before. But the emotional turn around is a bit worrying. 

Eddie can’t help but wonder exactly how much of this good mood is real and how much is Richie putting on a mask.

“If anything, you’re stuck with me. I imprint on anybody who’s nice to me, so this,” he gestures between the two of them, “This is for life, Eddie Spaghetti.” 

“Call me spaghetti one more time Richard, I fucking dare you.”

“Oh  _ Spaghetti _ , you know how much I love it when you talk to me like that.” Richie is clearly attempting to do a sort of sultry, seductive, femme fatale voice. It’s honestly one of the better voice’s Eddie has heard thus far, but it still needs a lot of work. 

So it surprises Eddie more than anyone when he bursts into uproarious laughter, going as far as to grab onto Richie’s arm for support. 

“Okay,” Richie says, “You’re definitely way too drunk to stick around much longer, let’s grab Bill and get out of this shithole.”

Eddie manages to get out between bursts of laughter, “I’m not that drunk Rich.”

“Oh no, you definitely are. That wasn’t even a good joke Eds, so it’s either you’re wasted or you have bad taste in comedy. I’m just trying to preserve your dignity.”

“If I’m drunk, you’re drunk. Dick.”

“Oh I’m definitely drunk, Eds. You can tell ‘cause I’m being honest. That’s my biggest secret Edward, I’m an honest drunk. Get a beer or two in me and I just start spilling secrets all over the place, like a fucking sprinkler. It’s one of my few faults.”

“You have many faults, Rich,” Eddie can see hurt flicker across Richie’s face, so he quickly amends his statement, “But if you didn’t I don’t think we would get along very well.”

Eddie pauses to wet his lips, “I think people need faults to be real. Without them we’re just… stick people.”

The laugh that tumbles from Richie’s mouth is a little breathless, “And what’s wrong with being a stick person?”

“No dick.”

Richie laughs with his whole body when he means it; his head tips back, his mouth drops open, and those dumb glasses slide down his nose. Eddie likes it quite a lot.

He likes it even better that he was the one who made him laugh like that. 

“Thank God, the two of you are together. W..w-e need to leave now.” 

Bill comes charging into the kitchen, anger and panic sharing real estate on his face. 

“What’s got you in a twist Big Bill?”

“I’ll tell you later, but right now we need to leave.”

In their time as friends, Eddie has seen Bill panic exactly once. Last March, Bill got a call from his mother telling him that his little brother Georgie had gone missing. They found him at a friend's house only a few hours later; apparently, Georgie had misplaced his cell phone and didn’t think to ask about borrowing his friend's phone to let his parents know he was spending the night. With six months perspective on the whole thing it really doesn’t seem like a big deal. But at the time Bill had shown up to Eddie’s dorm, absolutely frantic, ranting about needing to go home and organize a search party for his little brother. 

While Bill is not out of his mind with worry in the present moment, Eddie sees a glint in his eye all too similar to that day in March.

Eddie can feel his stomach sink into his shoes. 

“Richie we should get out of here. Quickly. Something’s wrong.” 

“Yeah, I can see that Eds.” 

“Then w..w-hy are you both still standin- Oh shit.” 

Eddie barely has a second to realize what’s wrong with Bill before a bulky figure fills the doorway, and the only exit. 

“I was wondering where you ran off to, B-B-Bill. We didn’t finish our earlier conversation.” 

Bill clenches his jaw and turns to Richie and Eddie, “Hey guys, have you met our host yet?” His words are polite, but acid drips from every syllable, “This is Henry Bowers and he’s a huge fucking asshole.” 

Eddie’s skin is buzzing. And he doesn’t think it’s from the alcohol.    
Henry cuts an imposing figure; he’s nearly as tall as Richie and twice as muscular, that sort of wiry muscle that speaks more to physical labor than weights at the gym. He’s dressed like he got kicked out of an early 2000’s pop punk band for his bad attitude and habit of punching walls. However, the thing that fills Eddie with fear is his truly awful mullet. 

Because Eddie recognizes that haircut. 

And he recognizes Bowers.

Every instinct in Eddie’s body is screaming at him to get out of there, to run and to not look back. But he can’t leave his friends. He told Richie he wouldn’t leave him and Eddie doesn’t plan on going back on his word. 

Instead, he fixes his eyes on the floor and angles himself behind Richie, that way Bowers can’t get a good look at him. Hopefully, it’ll be enough. 

“Wow Denbrough, you managed to make it through a whole sentence without tripping over your fat fucking tongue. Congratulations.” 

“Whoa, dude,” Richie says, putting his hands out in a placating gesture, “That’s awfully presumptuous of you, for all you know Billiam over here could have a perfectly average sized tongue. Unless you have some personal experience you’d like to share.”

Eddie flinches,  _ Not the time to make a joke Richie. _

If the way his back tenses is anything to go by, Richie knows he made a mistake too. 

Henry’s face grows dark, “Excuse me? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Just trying to warn you against the dangers of jumping to conclusions. You know what they say…” Richie seems to not know what they say, “Don’t make assumptions about people's tongue sizes or else your terrible fucking haircut won’t be the dumbest thing about you anymore.” 

_ Oh, Richie. That wasn’t even a good comeback. _

Henry puts on an overly dramatic thinking face and steps closer to Richie, “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should gather some data,” his arms snap out, faster than Eddie would have expected. One hand latches onto Richie and the other rips a knife off of the magnetic strip on the wall, “Maybe I’ll cut out both of your tongues and do a side by side comparison. Sound good?”

Eddie makes eye contact with Bill and silently asks what to do. 

“I don’t think there’s any need for impromptu surgery, that seems a little over the top in my personal opinion. What about you just stick a ruler in there, instead? And don’t you worry your ugly little head about my gag reflex, I don’t have one.” 

That seems to be the last straw for Henry, he points the knife towards Richie’s face, “The next time you open your mouth, I’ll make you regret it.” 

Bill steps forward, waving away the small crowd of people wanting to get drinks they’ve amassed, and speaks in the slow, deliberate way he does when he’s trying not to stutter.

“Henry, put the knife down. You’re drunk and probably a bit cross-faded and you’re not making good decisions. If you hurt him you’ll be the one regretting it.”

His words fall on deaf ears.

Eddie moves away from Richie’s side and rounds the island, so that he’s closer to the exit than Henry and Richie. 

“You heard Big Bill, put the knife down Bowers.”

Henry’s angry expression twists into something with a little humor to it, somehow only making it worse, “What did I just fucking say?” 

Eddie doesn’t really think about what he does next, all he knows is that he isn’t going to let Henry hurt Richie.

Or Bill.

But he’s more worried about Richie at the moment. 

“Hey Bowers.” 

Henry doesn’t turn around, but he must whisper something to Richie because Eddie can see his eyes widen in fear through his glasses. The situation he’s in seems to finally hit Richie, because he starts to squirm, desperately trying to get out of Bowers grasp.

“I said,” Eddie raises his voice so he’s practically shouting, “Hey, Bowers!” Eddie’s whole body is trembling and the blood is rushing so loudly in his ears that he can barely hear himself shout.

“I must have hit you harder than I thought last spring if you are this hard of hearing.” 

Henry tenses and pivots slowly to make eye contact with Eddie, “What?” His voice is low and sharp, like he’s not really asking a question. 

As soon as he has Henry’s attention everything inside him goes quiet. Like his body is preparing him for what is about to happen.

His hands stop trembling and the blood stops rushing.

This is the most himself Eddie has felt in a while. 

“Last spring. I threw a rock at your huge fucking forehead. Remember?” 

Henry releases Richie, “Yeah. I remember.” 

“Cool.” And then Eddie turns on his heel and takes off for the front door. 

“Run Eddie Spaghetti! Run!” 

Eddie tilts his head back and laughs, even as the crush of dancing bodies threatens to overwhelm him. 

He can hear Henry shouting, calling for his friends to stop Eddie, but the music in the living room is too loud for him to be heard over. 

And so Eddie makes it to the door and the Asshole Bouncer.

And he makes it into the night air. 

And he makes it to the cracked sidewalk.

And Eddie runs.

**September 15, 2019- 1:48 AM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Bill:_ **

Eddie

Where the fuck did you go

Richie and I are worried

Did Henry catch up to you

I am going to continue to spam you until you respond

Please tell me you’re alright

Richie looks like he’s gonna cry

Richie’s crying

**_Me:_ **

I’m fine. Just went for a run.

Tell Richie to stop crying.

Also, tell him next time we go out I get to pick the venue.

**_Bill Denbrough:_ **

Tell him yourself

213-773-1327

**September 15, 2019- 2:16 AM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Me:_ **

It’s Eddie.

You can’t pick parties for shit, next time I get to choose where we go.

**_Richie Tozier:_ **

EDSSSSSSSSS

<333333

NXT TIME WE HANG OUT WE WILL DO WHATEVR U WANT <333

WHERE R U RN

I DONT WANT 2 WALK BACK 2 MY HOUSE W/O U 

**_Me:_ **

Texting you was a mistake.

**_Richie Tozier:_ **

NOOOOO

eds come back ill b good

**_Me:_ **

I see you guys I think.

**_Richie Tozier:_ **

is the person ur looking at super sex-c and handsome

cause if so….

**_Me:_ **

No.

The person I’m looking at is very drunk and looks like they’ve spent the last hour crying.

**_Richie Tozier:_ **

o yeah thats me lol

i c u eds!!!

<3

glad ur alright <33

**_Me:_ **

Yeah

Glad you’re alright too

:)

**September 15, 2019- 2:39 AM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Stan Uris:_ **

Thanks for making sure he got home safe. And for what you did with Bowers.

**_Me:_ **

Happy to help.

My friends make me brave.

**September 15, 2019- 2:41 AM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Richie Tozier:_ **

i think ur always brave eds

**_Me:_ **

…

Are you reading Stan and I’s text conversation?

**_Richie Tozier:_ **

no 

maybe

yes 

**_Me:_ **

Go to bed idiot. 

You’re drunk.

**_Richie Tozier:_ **

u were drunker than me

stop pretending ur sober >:(

**_Me:_ **

Running helps sober you up.

**_Richie Tozier:_ **

thats a myth

stop trying 2 get me 2 be physically active

it wont work

**_Me:_ **

Night Richie

**_Richie Tozier:_ **

night eds <333

**September 15, 2019- 12:07 PM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Richie Tozier:_ **

hey eddie spaghetti

U up??

**_Me:_ **

It’s noon

Of course I’m up Richard

**_Richie Tozier:_ **

ooooh hitting me w/ that richard

wut did i do now?????

**_Me:_ **

Don’t call me Eddie Spaghetti

Or Eds

Eddie is already a nickname

**_Richie Tozier:_ **

sure thing eds

u busy?

wanna get breakfast??

**_Me:_ **

I hate you

Also it’s noon, we would be getting lunch

**_Richie Tozier:_ **

is that a yes??????

**_Me:_ **

How do you feel about Waffle House?

**_Richie Tozier:_ **

!!!!!!!

i love waffle house!!!!!

<333333

**_Me:_ **

I’ll meet you there at 12:30?

**_Richie Tozier:_ **

c u then eds <3333333

**September 17, 2019- 1:46 AM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Me:_ **

Hey, Mike’s history club is screening Dunkirk in the student center in like fifteen minutes and I was wondering if you wanted to come?

You don’t have to though

It’s just a pretty good movie and I thought you might want to see it

**_Richie Tozier:_ **

edward 

eds 

eddie spaghetti 

i would love to watch dunkirk with u 

unforch stan is forcing me to report bowers to the cops >:(((( and i am currently at the station dealing with that :///////

**_Me:_ **

Holy shit, yeah that’s one hell of an excuse

Are you okay?

**_Richie Tozier:_ **

just peachy eds <3333

the cops r a bummer but bowers might get expelled so thats good

plus ive got stan the man by my side and his super cool pre-law girlfriend

im basically unstoppable 

**_Me:_ **

Let me know if you need witnesses

Bill and I can be over there in five minutes

**_Richie Tozier:_ **

awwwww u do like me :3

**_Me:_ **

Gross

**_Richie Tozier:_ **

dont worry patty (stan’s super cool super funny girlfriend) says we r just filing a report rn

so no witnesses yet

but we may have to testify in court!!!! if bowers doesnt plead guilty??? 

idk i think thats what patty said i dont know anything about the criminal justice system besides acab and prisons are bad <333

**_Me:_ **

Okay, let me know if you need anything 

**_Richie Tozier:_ **

will do eddie my love <33333

**September 17, 2019- 1:58 PM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Me:_ **

What does it mean if someone calls you their love????????

**_Ben Hanscom:_ **

Uh, what’s the context? 

**_Me:_ **

Someone I know said “will do eddie my love <33333”

**_Ben Hanscom:_ **

Eddie….

I think you’re being flirted with :)

**_Me:_ **

No

This is how this person is with everyone

**_Ben Hanscom:_ **

What did Mike say?

**_Me:_ **

….

He said I was being flirted with…

**_Ben Hanscom:_ **

:)

Well there you go

**_Me:_ **

You don’t get it

He’s not flirting with me

**_Ben Hanscom:_ **

Eddie

Don’t take this the wrong way but why did you ask us if you aren’t going to listen to our answer? 

**_Me:_ **

Movie started

You’re late

**October 12, 2019- 6:28 PM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Richie Tozier:_ **

im a genius eds!!! we should all hang out on halloween!!!!!

**October 31, 2019- 8:32 PM**

“No Richie,” Stan folds his arms across his chest and makes himself comfortable on the bench they’ve stopped at, “I’m not going on a water ride with you. It’s October and I’m wearing wool.”

Richie groans dramatically, “Come on Staniel, it’s the best ride in this whole park and we all know it. Everyone else is gonna do it.”

“Uh, I’m not.” Says Eddie from his spot next to Mike, “Bev spent way too long doing my Sally make-up for me to mess it up on a water ride, Rich.” 

“Bev doesn’t care!” 

“I mean, I did work pretty hard on all the little stitches.”

“See! Bev doesn’t care,” Bev rolls her eyes, but smiles fondly at the antics of her best friend, “You gotta go on this with me Eddie Spaghetti, it’s Halloween! And if I go on this ride without you everyone is gonna point at laugh at the lonely Jack Skellington. They’re gonna be like,” Richie affects a New York accent, “Look at that loser, he’s got no one to bone. We can’t have that Eds.” 

“Beep-beep Richie,” laughs Bill as Eddie desperately hopes the make-up covers his blush. 

“Leave him alone Richie,” Mike swings his arm around Richie’s shoulders, “This isn’t a battle you’re gonna win, Eddie can be extremely stubborn when he wants to be. But if it makes you feel any better you’ve successfully managed to get all of us besides Stan and Eddie to go on a water ride with you in 40 degree weather, which is pretty impressive.” 

“It’s a good thing I like you so much Mike.” 

He steps out from under Mike’s arm and bounces ahead of their group, gesturing like a tour guide, “Right this way ladies and gentlemen, please step away from the wet blankets on the bench, their good sense is contagious.”

“I’m wearing wool Richie!”

“Yeah, well that’s your own fault for dressing up as Neil Perry for Halloween!” 

The others turn to follow Richie; both Mike and Ben wave goodbye, while Bill hurries to finish his elephant ear, and Bev blows kisses towards the bench like she’s in a parade.

“So,” Stan sets Bev’s purse down, for some reason he’s been carrying it for the past hour, “Why are you and Richie wearing a couples costume?”

Eddie feels a bit like he’s been slapped, “It’s not a couples costume.”

“Okay. You’re Sally from A Nightmare Before Christmas right?”

“Yes.”

“And he’s Jack Skellington from A Nightmare Before Christmas and in that movie Sally is Jack’s love interest. Right?”

Usually Eddie loves Stan’s upfront and straightforward personality, it’s part of the reason they work so well together in Statistics class, but right now he wishes that Stan had gotten on the water ride with the others. 

Eddie shifts uncomfortably, “I think limiting Sally to Jack’s love interest is a bit reductive.”

“Eddie, I’m going to steal your bones-”

“What?”

“-You are being obtuse on purpose. Just give me a straight answer, why are you wearing a couple’s costume with Richie.”

“What are you going to do with my bones, Stanley?”

Stan makes a frustrated noise and slouches back against the bench, “Eddie please. Please just answer my question.”

Eddie can feel his stomach flip and he desperately wants to avoid the question more, but he thinks Stan might kill him if he tried, “We couldn’t think of good individual costumes, so Richie suggested this. It’s not a very interesting story, but it’s the truth.” 

“But it’s not the whole truth.”

Eddie scrunches his eyebrows together in confusion, “I don’t know what you mean by that.”

“If that was the long and short of it you wouldn’t have tried to avoid my question.”

Unsure of how to respond, Eddie just sits in the silence.

“Do you like him, Eddie?”

“I mean, he’s my friend, probably one of my best friends, which is super weird because we’ve known each other for like a month and a half. But even from the beginning I’ve sort of felt like we’ve always known each other? Like he was growing up alongside me and I just couldn’t see him, but I could feel him becoming the person he is today. If that makes any sense. I mean I know it doesn’t because I heard myself saying it and I sounded batshit, but like it makes sense in my head? Probably not to you though. Sorry, I’m rambling.”

“That’s alright. I don’t mind listening.” 

“I know when you asked if I liked him you meant, like, romantically and shit. And I think I could. Or I might already? I don’t really know, I’m not very good at listening to my heart, all the other parts of me are so loud I think they drown it out sometimes.”

“Weirdly enough, I heard that talking about this sort of stuff can actually help sort out the white noise.”

“I know. It’s just,” Eddie fumbles for the right words, “My heart is all I have and I have to protect it. So I think my brain buries it below all this other stuff in order to keep it safe.”

“All you can do is give it away.”

Eddie frowns, “What?”

“All you have is your heart, and all you can do is give it away. Love and compassion aren’t finite resources Eddie; you say your brain is trying to protect you, but what is it trying to protect you from? Getting hurt? Keeping parts of yourself locked away is what is hurting you.” 

Eddie is starting to feel a bit hysterical and his hands flex of their own accord, wanting to reach for an inhaler he isn’t carrying. 

“It’s trying to protect me from giving my heart to the wrong person. From being broken apart by someone I care about. Growing up, love was used as a weapon against me, it was molded into a chain and wrapped around my ankles, wrists, and throat. I just don’t ever want that to happen to me again.”

The expression on Stan’s face would have been funny out of the context of this conversation, Eddie has never seen him caught so off guard before. 

Stan had this way about him, like if anyone in the whole world knew the lost secrets of the ancient world it would be Stan Uris. Eddie could picture him in the Library of Alexandria, yelling at people to blow out all the candles before they left because  _ it’d be a nightmare if this place caught on fire _ . He was smart, not in the school-smart way that Mike or Richie were or the emotional way that Ben was, Stan was smart in his own quietly observant way and Eddie really admired that about him. 

The other boy takes a moment to gather his thoughts before speaking again. 

“I’m really sorry that happened to you Eddie. Nobody should ever have to go through whatever happened to you, especially not a child. But do you really think Richie is that sort of person?”

“No.” Eddie lowers his gaze and begins to pick at the end of his shirt, “Richie is… well he’s a lot of things; tall, dumb, smart, funny, but mostly kind and good. He wouldn’t hurt anyone if he could help it.” 

Stan nods along to Eddie’s description, a small smile on his face, “I’m not saying you should immediately declare your crush on him, but I think that you shouldn’t close yourself off to the possibility just because you’re worried about something that’s probably not going to happen.” 

“All I have is my heart, and all I can do is give it away.”

There’s a moment of silence where Eddie considers all that has been shared on this bench and all the confusing things swirling around inside himself. 

“I’m not ready to say anything to him. First of all, I don’t even know if he likes me. And second, I don’t think I’m ready to be in a relationship with anybody, much less Richie. And thirdly, I don’t want to embarrass myself like an idiot. And fourth... fourthly? Is it fourth or fourthly?”

“I don’t think it really matters Eddie.”

“Fair. Whatever. Fourthly, I meant what I said about not really knowing if I genuinely have a crush on him. Like I know he makes me blush all the time and I like spending time with him, but that could be me having a hot friend who talks about sex a lot.”

“Or you could have a crush on him.”

“Jesus Stan, I’m not five! There has to be a better word than crush.”

“There is but you’re not going to like it.”

Eddie snorts, “Yeah, probably not.” He pushes his hair out of his face and pulls his knees up so he’s sitting cross legged on the bench, “Thanks for being a pushy asshole Stan.”

Stan’s laugh is much different from Richie’s; where Richie laughs with his whole body, Stan laughs with his eyes. You can tell whether he means it or not by how bright his eyes grow. Richie is always the one that makes Stan laugh the hardest, Eddie has never been close, and this moment is no exception.

“No problem, I’m always happy to be an asshole.”

That gets a giggle out of Eddie, who realizes he’s being very rude by monopolizing this whole conversation, “So, how are things with you and Patty?”

Stan immediately softens at the sound of his girlfriend’s name, “We’re doing great. Patty switched her major again, decided pre-law wasn’t for her and that she didn’t want to be part of a broken system. She’s a painting major now and she really loves it.”

“Good for her, what’s she doing tonight?”

“She’s in the studio, apparently there’s a million and one things she has to get done before tomorrow. I think I’m going to propose to her.”

For a moment Eddie is sure he misheard, “You’re going to propose? Marriage?”   
“No Eddie. I’m going to suggest we open a small business together, the ring I have stashed in my bedroom is totally unrelated.” He speaks in such a deadpan that Eddie finds himself questioning whether the business proposal is a joke or not. 

“Holy shit Stan! Congratulations!” Eddie wraps his friend in a tight hug.

“What are we congratulating Stan about?”

Stan and Eddie part to see their five other friends sopping wet and smiling at the exit to the ride. Richie’s Jack Skellington make-up, that he applied himself, is running down his face in rivulets and his hair hangs limply like wet noodles. Bill and Mike’s Mario and Luigi costumes somehow look worse than they did at the beginning of the night and they are both missing their hats. And Ben’s Clark Kent costume is so soaked through that the Superman t-shirt he was wearing under his button-up is clearly visible. The state of Bev’s costume is probably the worst though, her zombie make-up is running as bad as Richie’s, except she has the added bonus of the fake wounds she applied hanging off her body like old bandaids.

Maybe it’s the conversation he just had with Stan, but in that moment, Eddie is so full of love for his friends it almost brings him to tears.

“I’m going to propose to Patty. I’ve got the ring and everything.”

Bev is the first person to catch up, she shrieks and beelines over to Stan, before throwing her arms around him, “Stanley Uris I am so proud of you. You and Patty are perfect for each other.”

The next to reach them is Richie, who pulls Eddie into the group hug with a choked, “Stan the Man!”

Bill, Mike, and Ben follow close after.

It’s the best, and dampest, hug Eddie has ever been a part of. 

**November 5, 2019- 4:31 PM**

**Everything Changed When Mike Hanlon Attacked**

**_Big Wig:_ **

So I was thinking about making a groupchat with the others

The others being Stan, Bev, and Richie

Weve all been hanging out a lot and I think Eddie is tired of being the middle man

**_Edwina:_ **

I think that’s a great idea

**_Ben’s Discount Furniture:_ **

Yes!!!! 

I love that idea!!!

**_Mike “Fire Nation” Hanlon:_ **

sounds good to me

but if you make it in groupme again im legally required to murder you bill

**November 5, 2019- 4:53 PM**

**Welcome Losers**

**_Bill:_ **

Hey everybody its Bill 

This is a groupchat with all seven of us

Also I hope ur happy Mike 

**_Bev:_ **

what is Mike supposed to be happy about lmao

**_Bill:_ **

That I made this in the messages app and not groupme

Which is literally an app MADE FOR GROUPCHATS

**_Mike:_ **

bill 

groupme sucks

**_Ben:_ **

Groupme isn’t that bad :))))

It’s only a little bad

**_Richard_ ** **> :|** **_Tozier:_ **

LOL GROUPME SUX

mike i respect U

sorry billiam 

**_Stan:_ **

This groupchat was a mistake

**_Me:_ **

Couldn’t have said it better myself

**_Bill:_ **

I DID THIS FOR YOU EDWARD

**November 28, 2019- 9:35 AM**

**The Losers Club**

**_Bev:_ **

Everyone should turn on the Macys Thanksgiving day parade

Not because its Good

But because Richie and I are there and you might be able to spot us

**_Stan:_ **

I shouldn’t have left you two alone over break.

**_Me:_ **

Why are you in New York??

**_Dick Tozier:_ **

cuz we r cool

<33

**_Bev:_ **

Im from NY and Richie came home with me for break cause were codependent lmao

Wait nevermind dont bother turning on the parade we got kicked out lol

**_Ben:_ **

You got kicked out???

They can do that??

**_Stan:_ **

What did Richie do.

And did someone record it?

**_Dick Tozier:_ **

me?????

this 1 was all beverlys fault stan the man

and frankly im offended 

**_Me:_ **

No but seriously what did you two do?

**_Bev:_ **

Lmao i dared Richie to Ferris bueller a float

But security stopped us :((

**_Bill:_ **

And when you say ferris bueller a float you mean

**_Mike:_ **

bill 

have you never seen ferris buellers day off

**_Bill:_ **

…

No comment

**_Mike:_ **

are you in your room because im forcing you to watch this movie

**_Me:_ **

Richie please tell me you didn’t actually try to hop onto a float

**_Mike:_ **

spoilers 

**_Dick Tozier:_ **

mayhaps 

**_Bev:_ **

He got pretty close lol 

**_Stan:_ **

I’m flying to New York immediately, don’t do anything dumb until I get there.

I don’t want to miss it. 

**_Bev:_ **

haahahaha

Think its a little late for that 

**December 14, 2019- 11:35 PM**

Eddie’s room is a mess and it’s stressing him out. 

He usually keeps it pretty neat. Sure, the bed was hardly ever made and his school papers were always everywhere, but beyond that it was clean. 

Usually that is.

Today everything he owns is laid out across the room as Eddie frantically tries to figure out what he’s taking home with him for break. Everytime he goes home he faces the same struggle and the same mess, but at this point it’s his system and he doesn’t see much point in changing it.

Although there is a key difference this time around. 

“Eds, you’re going back for like a month. Pack, like, four t-shirts and two sweaters and you’re good to go.” 

Eddie freezes in the midst of folding his favorite red sweater and stares at Richie, who is reclining comfortably, and unhelpfully, on Eddie’s bed. 

“Richie please tell me you’re packing more than four t-shirts and two sweaters. Please tell me that’s a joke.”

“Of course it’s a joke Eddie Spaghetti,” Eddie sighs in relief, “Bev and I are going to Florida with my parents for break, I’m not packing any sweaters.”

“Someday I’m going to snap and smother you with a pillow.”

Richie grins around the clementine piece he just popped into his mouth, “Kinky.”

Ben emerges from Eddie’s closet with a stack of folded pajama pants, effectively saving Richie’s life, “Okay, I think I got the rest of your pajamas. Do you want to leave any here? Or should I put all of this in one of your suitcases?”

Technically both Ben and Richie had volunteered to help Eddie pack, Ben because he’s incapable of not helping people and Richie because he hadn’t been in Eddie’s room yet and, in his words,  _ has always wanted to visit a monastery _ . However, only Ben was actually being helpful. 

“Might as well put all of it in, you never know what might happen.”

“Expecting a big silk pajama shortage Eds?”

“First of all, they’re satin dipshit. And second of all…” Eddie trails off, “Well there really isn’t a second of all, but I’m packing them anyway.” 

“Great comeback Eduardo.”

“Ben, tell Richie to start being helpful.”

Ben shrugs and places the neat stack into Eddie’s overly large suitcase, “Richie doesn’t listen to me.”

“Very astute of you Haystack. I can see why Bev likes you so much.”

Ben’s face grows nearly as red as Bev’s hair, “Bev likes me a normal amount. We’re friends is all.”

Richie turns to Eddie and very obviously rolls his eyes, Eddie doesn’t even try to fight back his smile.

“We’re just friends,” But the statement is so quiet it’s clear not even Ben really believes it. 

“Benjamin, you’re about to not see Bev for a month. Are you sure there’s nothing you want to tell her before that happens?”

Ben hesitates.

“Ben, dude. You’ve talked about nothing but Bev since you guys met,” Eddie declares as he places a t-shirt in his suitcase, “You two make eyes at each other whenever we all hang out, so I have to imagine you do the same at all those private study sessions you have. You’re head over heels for her and she likes you back. Go tell her.”

“Like now?”

“Yes, now!”

“But I’m helping you pack.”

Richie flips onto his stomach in a performative flail of limbs, “Fuck packing, it’s love, Haystack. Go chase your happily ever after.”

It’s a very sweet sentiment, Eddie’s a little bit surprised that it came from Richie. Not that he isn’t capable of being sweet, anyone just has to observe Richie with his friends to see how sweet he can be, it’s simply that Eddie didn’t know Richie was a romantic. 

“You heard him Ben. Fuck packing.”   
For a moment Eddie thinks Ben is going to refuse, but then something changes. Ben’s eyes light up and a soft smile settles on his pink tinged face, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay!” 

And then he turns on his heel and pushes out of Eddie’s room, determination in every step.

“Get it, Ben Handsome!” Richie cheers while Eddie whistles in a celebratory manner. They hear the front door close and the sound of Ben’s footsteps retreat down the hallway.

“Can’t believe he’s actually gonna do it.”

“It’s about time,” Eddie scoffs.

“I know! They’re so obviously in love it’s sort of disgusting.”

“Well I think it’s sweet. The pining was a bit obnoxious though, glad that bit is over.”

“I don’t think we’re out of the pining zone yet, Eddie my love.”

Electricity bolts down Eddie’s spine, Richie has been calling him that for a while now, but everytime he says those words Eddie feels like it’s the first time. 

“No?”

“I mean, how long has Bill been nursing that emotional hard-on for Mike?”

“God, as long as I’ve known Mike, so September last year at least.”

“Jesus, poor guy. Does Mike like him back?”

“I honestly don’t know, he’s pretty hard to read. I would think so? Like, they do stuff together all the time that they don’t even invite us to and sometimes I’ll catch Mike smiling at Bill with his ‘Bill Smile’, but he’s never done anything overtly romantic.”

“The dude’s got a ‘Bill Smile’? Case closed, they should have been fucking ages ago.”

“Gross Richie. Those are our friends, I don’t want to even think about their sex life, or their hypothetical sex life.”

“Hey Eds.”

“What Richie?” Eddie looks up from his packing just in time to be hit in the face with something, “What the fuck?”

The projectile in question is an orange peel, clearly the cast-offs from the clementine Richie had just been eating.

“Why did you throw your orange peel at me?”

“Why Edward, you should know that the peel in question actually comes from a tangelo. And look at it, I made it special for you.”

“What do you mean you ‘made it special’?” Eddie is trying to act annoyed, but Richie is smiling his crooked grin at him and the room smells like citrus and Eddie feels bad for gossiping about Ben and Bev because the feelings he has for Richie are way bigger than friendship and Eddie considers himself a lot of things, but a hypocrite isn’t one of them. 

“Just look at it.”

And so Eddie does. 

What he sees startles a laugh out of him, “Did you peel this in the shape of a dick?”

“Sure did Eds, just something to remind you of what your mom and I are going to be getting up to over break.”

“I thought you were going down to Florida.”

“That’s what I call your mom’s vagina.”

Eddie cackles, dismayed and amused in equal measure by Richie’s antics, “Didn’t you say Bev was going with you?”

“Are you really gonna make me say it?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

Richie makes a face like he ate a particularly sour piece of candy and props himself up on his elbows, “Threesome.”

Both boys explode into laughter and exaggerated groans of disgust. Eddie topples over backwards, knocking over a pile of clothes that Ben had neatly folded. Richie smashes his face into Eddie’s comforter and fake gags, clearly not pleased with his own joke, “That’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, I can’t believe you made me do that.”

Eddie rolls so he’s on his side and can see Richie clearly, “Make you? I didn’t make you do anything, you could have kept your mouth shut.”

“Eddie please, we both know that me keeping my mouth shut was never an option.”

If a genie appeared to Eddie right then he wouldn’t even have to consider his wish. The first thing off his tongue would be,  _ I wish I could live in this moment forever,  _ never had Eddie wanted anything more desperately. That perfect moment; full of aching ribs and afternoon sunlight, a tangelo peel clutched in his hand, Richie sprawled across Eddie’s bed, and matching giddy smiles on the faces of both boys. 

But no genie appeared.

And perfect moments always come to an end. 

The end of this one is heralded by the buzz of Eddie’s phone.

“Fuck, my Uber driver is here, I’ve gotta go.” Usually Eddie greatly appreciated his scheduled Uber rides, one less thing to take care of on the day, but he curses the fact that he hadn’t accounted for the Richie factor the night before. His stomach sinks even further when he realizes how much he didn’t get to pack and the fact he isn’t even dressed yet. 

“Shit, okay. You go get ready, I’ll shove everything into your suitcases and help you carry them down to the car. Everything is gonna be fine Eds, don’t worry.”

Eddie is still very much worried, but he appreciates that Richie is trying, “Thanks Rich, I’m gonna pee.”

Richie laughs, “Okay, have fun in there.”

Eddie ducks into the bathroom, prepared to make the quickest bathroom break of his life, when he notices he’s still holding the tangelo peel. 

If he takes a picture of it before he throws the peel in the trash then that’s nobody’s business but Eddie’s. 

**December 14, 2019- 11:56 PM**

**Love Club:**

**_Ben Haystack Hanscom:_ **

Bev kissed me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<333333

Thank you guys for telling me to go for it :)

**_Dick Toes:_ **

of course haystack

u r a catch ;)))

glad it worked out

**_Me:_ **

I just want you to know that when we got this notification the first thing Richie did was yell “I bet they fucked”

The Uber driver hates me now

I think he’s running these red lights on purpose

**_Ben Haystack Hanscom:_ **

Oh no Eddie

I’m sure he doesn’t hate you :)))

**_Dick Toes:_ **

k but like…

did u?

**_Ben Haystack Hanscom:_ **

This is Bev

Stop being nosy lmao

The sex was great

**_Me:_ **

Adjdjfhjfas

**_Dick Toes:_ **

GET IT

**December 16, 2019- 7:17 PM**

Sonia Kaspbrak is obsessed with soap operas. This has been a constant in Eddie’s life. When they sit down on the couch to eat dinner the soap operas come on, when they finish dinner they switch to Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy, but Sonia talks over the hosts to discuss the soap with Eddie, who could not care less. 

Today is no different, Eddie watches that week's batshit crazy  _ Days of Our Lives  _ episode, eats his lukewarm microwave dinner, and tries to listen to Pat Sajak’s corny jokes. He has no idea how he’s going to make it through the next three weeks. 

When the doorbell rings Eddie’s first thought is that he hopes it’s an axe murderer, his second is that being murdered with an axe would be a terrible way to go, and his third is that it might be worth it if he never has to watch  _ Days of Our Lives _ again.

“Eddie-bear. You aren’t going to make me answer that are you?” 

“Of course not Ma. I’ll be right back.”

Eddie groans as he stands, being back in Derry ages him and his joints. 

“That didn’t sound good sweetheart.”

“I’m fine, just being dramatic.”

“Are you sure? You could have scoliosis or a slipped disc, it really wouldn’t be too much trouble to swing by Dr. Lohmeyer’s tomorrow and get you looked at.”

“I’m said fine Ma, I’ve gotta get the door.”

Sonia has always liked it best when she gets to take care of Eddie and has always liked it least when he talks back to her. Her eyebrows draw together and a dark cloud settles over the room. Eddie can feel his heart give an anxious flutter.

“Don’t use that tone with me, I knew sending you out of state for college was a bad idea. You’ve gone and developed and attitude while you-”

She’s cut off by the doorbell.

Eddie sends a silent thank you to the axe murderer at the door.

“I’m going to go see who it is.” Then, to butter her up, Eddie stoops to kiss his mom's receding hairline. 

The walk to the door isn’t long, but Eddie savors every moment away from the couch. 

When Eddie swings open the door his jaw drops.

“Surprise!” Bev shouts as she flings her arms wide and wraps Eddie in a hug.

“Bev? What are you doing here? I thought you were going to Florida with Richie and his parents?”

“I was, but Richie, Stan, and I got to talking and we were worried that it’s just you and your mom and we both agreed the holidays were best spent with people. Richie was gonna come out here to visit, but I told him that was dumb and that it’d be weird if it was just me and his parents in Florida. And he agreed because I was right, obviously. And now I’m here.”

“In Maine.”

“Yes, in Maine.” Bev laughs, her cheeks pink from the cold.

“On my doorstep.”

“Yeah, I sort of expected you to have already invited me in, but I suppose there’s no accounting for manners.”

“Oh shit yeah, uh… come on in I guess.”

Bev grabs her suitcase handle and steps into the warmth. 

It’s really weird to see Bev here, in his childhood home. It’s like she’s slightly out of sync with the rest of the house; where Sonia’s decor choices are drab and muted, Bev is bright and vibrant in her electric lime puffer coat. She leaves her hand-painted, thrifted snow boots next to the door and they look almost comical next to Sonia and Eddie’s practical winter gear. Eddie’s two worlds are colliding and he isn’t sure if he’ll survive the fallout.

“Eddie-bear. Who’s this.”

Eddie’s stomach drops out his ass. His mom is standing, clutching her bowl too tight to be casual, her voice and expression are both pleasant enough, but Eddie can see the anger in her eyes. 

“Mom, this is Bev. She’s a friend from school.”

Bev turns her smile on his mom and extends her hand, “It’s so nice to meet you Mrs. Kaspbrak, we’ve all heard a lot of nice things.”

They haven’t. Eddie never talks about his mom with anyone, except Bill, and even they haven’t had a heart to heart in a while. 

“A pleasure,” Sonia doesn’t take Bev’s hand, “How long are you in town for?”

This doesn’t seem to phase Bev at all, she drops her hand, but not her smile, “I figured I would take the bus back to school with Eddie, I mean it’s not like I have anywhere else to spend the holidays.”

This seems to displease Sonia, her ire begins to poke through her carefully constructed facade, “Well we don’t have a guest bedroom, so I don’t know where you are planning on staying. The Town House probably doesn’t have any vacancies this time of year either.”

“Oh that’s alright, I figured I would just stay in Eddie’s room.”

Eddie almost wants to laugh at the murderous expression that flashes on his mom’s face, but he dares not interrupt the cold war taking place in front of him.

“I don’t think that would be appropriate.” 

“Why not?”

Eddie can’t remember the last time he breathed.

“Boys and girls shouldn’t share a bed. It isn’t appropriate.”

“Oh well, it’s a good thing I brought a sleeping bag then.” Bev gestures to her backpack, smile still affixed to her face. 

“I don’t think I want you to stay here. You’re not exactly the type of person I want being friends with my Eddie-bear.”

This is the first time in the conversation where Bev looks less than totally in control, Eddie doesn’t think she was counting on how little his mom cares about her own politeness. 

“Mom, Bev is my friend who came all this way to surprise me for Christmas. Please don’t speak to her like that.” 

“Edward, didn’t we just have a conversation about that tone of yours?”

Eddie takes a deep breath and turns to Bev, “Can you give us a minute? My room is just at the top of the stairs, you can wait there if you want.”

“Of course Eddie,” She’s wearing that fake smile again, “Nice to meet you Mrs. Kaspbrak.” 

And then she’s gone, the only evidence that the last ten minutes weren’t a terrible hallucination are Bev’s shoes next to the door.

“Mom, I know this isn’t our usual Christmas routine, but Bev is a really close friend and it means a lot to me that she came all the way out here to spend Christmas with us when she could be on a Floridian beach right now. It would mean even more if you would let her stay.”

The face Sonia makes is unimpressed.

Eddie sighs inwardly, “If you let her stay I’ll come home for spring break.” 

“Will you go to Easter mass with me?”

“Of course Ma.”

Sonia purses her lips, considering. After a long minute, she nods, “She can stay,” Eddie smiles so wide it hurts, “But,” the smile fades a bit, “She sleeps on the floor and the door stays open at all times. Understood?”   
“Understood.”

“Good. Put this in the sink for me, won’t you Eddie?” Eddie takes the bowl from her extended hand and rushes into the kitchen where he deposits the dish in the sink. Adrenaline is coursing through his veins, propelling him past the couch where his mother is sitting again and up the stairs two at a time. 

He busts into his room to see Bev perched on the edge of his bed, talking to someone on the phone. 

For a moment they just look at each other, then a voice that is clearly Richie’s comes through the phone, “Bev? You still there?”

Bev ignores Richie, “What did she say?”

“Oh is Eddie Spaghetti there? Put him on the phone.” Richie’s voice is tinny, but still so distinctly him that Eddie can’t help but smile.

“She said you can stay.” 

Bev lets out a shout of joy and pumps her fists in the air. Eddie gets so swept up in the moment that he practically launches himself at Bev to wrap her in a hug, they end up giggling on the bed with Richie still shouting through the phone. 

“Hey is anyone listening to me? What’s going on?”

Bev, still laughing, picks up her phone, “Sonia is gonna let me stay, I’ll talk to you later Richie.”

“Wait! Do not hang up on me Beverly Mar-”

She hangs up on him. 

“I can’t believe you managed to talk her into this. I thought I was a goner down there.”

“Yeah, well, I can’t believe you’re in Derry. I feel like this is a dream that I’m going to wake up from any minute.”

“Good dream or bad dream?”   
“Good dream, definitely a good dream. I think you saved me Bev, I was going crazy.”

“It was Richie’s idea. I lied a bit downstairs ‘cause I didn’t want your mom to hear the truth, but none of us wanted you to be alone with her, especially not for Christmas.”

Part of Eddie still wants to defend his mother’s behavior, to tell Bev that she’s not so bad, but he knows that the scene earlier is far from the worst Sonia Kaspbrak has to offer.

“You’re gonna hate it here Bev. This may just be your worst Christmas ever.”

She smiles sadly, “Trust me, it won’t.” 

Eddie wants to question her more about that, but decides that if the roles were reversed he wouldn’t want to say anything. 

“How did you know where I lived by the way? I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned my address to any of you guys.”

Bev laughs, clearly pleased with the subject change, “Well, we knew you lived in Derry so I took the bus here and then I tracked you down using Find My Friends, it wasn’t really hard.”

“Did you walk all the way here from the bus station?”

“Yeah man, I think my toes have frostbite.”

“Jesus Bev. You should have told me that sooner!” Eddie sits up and grabs one of the extra blankets he keeps at the end of the bed and he uses it to forcibly tuck Bev in.

“Eddie,” Bev is laughing so much she can barely talk, “Eddie stop, I’m okay. I was joking, I’m not frostbitten.” 

“As far as you know.” 

That only seems to make Bev laugh harder and eventually Eddie finds himself joining in. 

They take a while to calm down, but when Bev regains the ability to speak she forces out, “I should probably call Richie back at some point.” 

“Probably.”

The two of them are laying on opposite ends of the bed, Bev is on her side with her head resting on the pillow and Eddie is flat on his back, his feet in Bev’s face. He hopes they don’t smell.

“He cares about you a lot, you know.”

Eddie’s heart tenses up and he can’t help the blush that floods his cheeks, “Yeah?”

“Yeah, I think if Stan wasn’t around you’d be his best friend.” 

“But he’s your best friend, I don’t want to horn in on your relationship or anything.”

“You’re not  _ horning _ in on anything Kaspbrak. Richie is my best friend, but I’m not his. Just like I’m Ben’s best friend and Ben is Mike’s and Bill is yours and Mike is Bill’s and Stan’s is Richie. We are all so wrapped up in each other’s lives, I think by the time college ends we are all going to be inextricable from each other.”

“You think we’re gonna stay friends?”

Bev hums, “Stan asked that same question the other day.”

“What did you tell him?”

Bev shifts so Eddie can see her eyes, “How could we not? Now that I have you all I can’t imagine life without any one of you.”

“I feel the same. Like this friendship was written down a long time ago and we are just doing what’s predestined or whatever.”

“Fulfilling the prophecy.” She does a voice, and it’s good, but Richie’s would be better. Not that Eddie would ever tell Richie that. 

“Sort of, yeah. Which sounds silly, but I think you guys make me better, just by being around. I don’t want to ever be the person I was before I met Bill again, that Eddie was…” Eddie trails off, not entirely sure how to describe his past self, “That Eddie was less.” 

They just sit in the silence for a moment, Eddie can vaguely hear the sounds of Jeopardy coming from the living room and the steady ticking of the hall clock. It’s nice, peaceful. Somehow Bev has improved the whole city of Derry just by being there. But Eddie supposes that’s what friends do. 

“I wish we all knew each other when we were kids, I could have used friends like you losers.” 

Bev nods, “Me too.”

“Maybe Derry wouldn’t have been so awful if you guys were here too.”

“If we were all together as kids, what do you think we would have done?”

“God, what wouldn’t we have done,” Eddie chuckles, “I’m not as good of a storyteller as Bill, so stick with me for a second. But I think this town wouldn’t have been big enough for the seven of us; we would have torn up these streets on our bikes, grabbing at freedom the only way we knew how. We would have spent most of our time in the Barrens, playing pretend in the trees and splashing through the river searching for turtles, staying out long after sunset. Summer would be our favorite. We would have spent every moment of those long hazy days together, messing around in the sepia colored light.” A snort bursts from Bev at his dramatic word choices and Eddie nudges her face with his foot in retaliation, “Mike, Stan, and Ben would have a designated corner at the local library, Stan would drag Richie along sometimes and he would complain, but secretly enjoy browsing for books. Bill would teach us all the best games and lead us in times of trouble, all of us would have been a little in love with him.” Bev heaves a wet laugh, Eddie is momentarily alarmed, but she’s smiling so Eddie figures it’s alright, “You would always be the first to jump off the cliff into the quarry, the rest of us would follow though because I think we would follow you everywhere. Things wouldn’t always be good and we would fight sometimes, but in the end we would have always stuck together. Derry sucks, just like objectively, but I think the seven of us would have carved out a space here for each other.”

Bev sniffles, “That sounds nice. But what about you?”

“What do you mean?”   
“You mentioned what everyone else would be doing, where would you be?”

“I’d be taking care of all of you, of course. Someone’s got to bandage Richie’s eternally scraped knees and get the grass stains out of your clothes.” 

That makes Bev laugh, her tears mostly dry by now, “Well I’m sorry we missed all that, but we have each other now and we’re still basically idiot kids. So how about the two of us do something really stupid tomorrow? I’m talking really stupid. Like unbelievably childish, reckless, your-mother-would-definitely-not-approve stupid. Make some good memories for you in this town.” 

Eddie doesn’t even have to consider it.

“That sounds amazing.”

**December 16, 2019- 8:56 PM**

**Private Text Conversation:**

**_Me:_ **

Thanks Rich

For everything

**_Dick Toes:_ **

course 

anything 4 my little eddie spaghetti

<333

**_Me:_ **

I take it back, fuck you

**December 17, 2019- 9:04 AM**

Breakfast was tense.

Eddie and Bev came downstairs at eight in the morning to find Sonia sitting at the small kitchen table, clutching a piece of toast and glaring at the stairwell in preparation for their arrival. Both young adults attempted to make conversation with the impassive Mrs. Kaspbrak, but she refused to answer in complete sentences and simply eyeballed Bev for the 20 minutes they took to prepare and eat their morning meal. 

Eddie knows what his mother is like when she’s sulking, and it’s never been this bad before. 

She didn’t even try to argue when Eddie mentioned he was going to give Bev a tour of Derry later. 

Sonia watched them with angry eyes until they finally escaped the house.

“Jesus, Eddie.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Your mom is…”

Eddie sighs deeply, “Yeah, I know.” 

Bev seems to sense that Eddie doesn’t want to discuss his mother any longer and claps her hands together, startling Eddie out of his own thoughts, “So, where to first?”

The passcode to the garage hasn’t changed, it’s still Eddie’s birthday, which he is immensely grateful for. Going back into the house now seems like a death sentence. 

Eddie makes a face, “I’m not really sure, I haven’t really figured out what stupid thing we should do. If it was summer I’d say jump into the quarry,” leaping off the cliff that leads into the dirty water of the quarry is something Eddie has imagined doing a million times, with Bev here he might have actually made the leap, “But, it really isn’t the weather for going swimming.” 

“That’s probably a good call,” Bev laughs, “We want to do something stupid, not deadly.”

Eddie hums his agreement while struggling to get his old bike out of the garage.

“How about this. You give me a tour of Derry, like we told your mom you would, and while we’re out we look for some trouble to get ourselves into? Sound good?”   
With one final tug Eddie rips his bike free from the tangle of wires holding it down. The tires are a bit flat, but it will have to do. Eddie wants to get the fuck away from his house. 

“Works for me.” He situates himself on the too small bike and gestures for Bev to hop on, “I was thinking we start at the school, get that hellscape out of the way.”

“Aw, I get to see your old stomping grounds. I can practically imagine little Eddie Kaspbrak, with your two fanny packs and knee high socks.”

Eddie scoffs, “I didn’t wear knee high socks, I’m not a Catholic schoolgirl Beverly. My socks were a respectable mid-calf height, thank you very much.”

Bev steps onto the spokes of the bike, “Ah, my mistake. Won’t happen again.” She’s clearly teasing, Eddie can hear the grin in her voice.

“Laugh it up Marsh, I have your life in my hands now. Talk about my socks again and I’ll bike down a steep hill.” Eddie kicks off from the ground, allowing the small hill that is his driveway to pull the bike into the street. They wobble a bit on the turn towards downtown Derry, but Bev whoops loudly in Eddie’s ear as he straightens out and starts peddling. 

“You wouldn’t dare, Eddie Kaspbrak. You like me too much.” 

“How’d you know? I’ve been working so hard to keep my affections a secret, I would hate to make Ben jealous.”

That makes Bev laugh, a wild cackling thing that Eddie can hardly hear for the wind in his ears, “You’ve been hanging out with Richie too much. Next thing you know you’re gonna make a gross sex joke about someone’s mother.”

“There are certain lines I will not cross. That is one of them.”

Eddie finds it nice to hang out with Bev like this, usually when they see each other it’s at a group thing, so there’s not a lot of time for the two of them to really get to know each other. But as they bike through Derry, Eddie describing the places they pass, they finally have the time to talk. 

Bev avoids talking about her childhood and Eddie doesn’t press, although he does plan to bring it up later in her visit. Therefore, most of the stories she relays in the twenty minutes it takes to get to the school are of her college experiences so far. Richie and Stan feature in many of them. 

“So, I’m sitting there, completely drenched in jungle juice and Richie’s wearing this ridiculous onesie holding a bottle of vodka, just staring at me in confusion. Then Stan walks up, places a hand on Richie’s shoulder and says ‘You’re late’ in that deadpan way of his, I start laughing and the girl next to me starts crying. Anyway that’s the first time I met them.”

“And you decided to become friends with them after that?”

“Best decision I ever made.”

Eddie coasts to stop outside Derry High School and places his foot on the ground for balance as Bev hops off. 

“This is Derry High, huh?”

“In all its glory.”

Eddie is being sarcastic, it’s obvious even from the outside that Derry High is a shithole. It’s a big brick building with very few windows and half-assed 1950s style architecture. Eddie’s always thought that it looked like a five year old drew a prison and the architect of the place accidentally grabbed the child’s drawing on the way out the door and decided it wasn’t worth going back for the original plans. 

Bev purses her lips and studies Eddie frown. She looks pensive for a moment and then seems to come to some sort of conclusion, “We should break in.”

The laugh that bursts out of Eddie is one of shock and disbelief, “That’s a terrible idea.”

“You clearly hate this place, we should break in and vandalize some shit.”

“Bev, what? There’s cameras all over that school and we aren’t exactly dressed inconspicuously!” 

And they weren’t. 

Bev is once again wearing her lime green puffer jacket, currently paired with baggy, paint-splattered jeans, her hand-painted boots, and a bright blue hat. Eddie was just as distinctive in his heated coat and yellow corduroys. 

“Okay then, how about we buy some spray-paint and tag an outside wall that doesn’t have cameras?”

“No! We aren’t doing property damage! I don’t want to be the asshole that makes a school janitor haul his ass out here on winter break to clean graffiti.”

(“Study hard Eddie, you don’t want to end up a janitor do you?”)

“So you’re saying property damage is out?”

Eddie can’t help but laugh, “Yes, property damage is out.”

“Well then I’m out of ideas. Should we consult the council?” Bev is smiling that sharp grin of hers, like he’s inviting him into a joke he didn’t even know he’d been missing out on.

“I’m assuming the council are the Losers?”

“Like we know anybody else.”

**December 17, 2019- 10:04 AM**

**The Losers Club:**

**_Bev:_ **

Quick!!!!

whats a quintinssial winter activity that a helicopter mom would definitely not approve of??

quintissential?

quintesential ?

How the fuck do I spell quintesisjsajskddf???

**_Ben Haystack Hanscom:_ **

Ooooh sledding!!

And it’s quintessential 

**_Bev:_ **

Aww thanks babe <333

**_Dick Toes:_ **

attach a skateboard 2 a snow plow lmao    
QUINTESSENTIAL winter fun right ther 

**_Me:_ **

We’re not doing that Richard

**_Dick Toes:_ **

ugh lame

sledding is 4 babies >:((

**_Stan:_ **

Richie you went sledding last year.

**_Mike:_ **

exactly 

**_Bev:_ **

HAHAHAHAHAHAH

**_Bill:_ **

Get his ass

**_Bev:_ **

Agsgshssjj I told Eddie what Mike said cause hes biking us to a sledding hill and he says that Mike was a little harsh and shouldnt be so rude to babies LMAO 

**_Dick Toes:_ **

betrayal is so tragic because it never comes from your enemies :’(((

**_Ben Haystack Hanscom:_ **

I still love you Richie :)

**_Dick Toes:_ **

god i wanna elope w/ u so bad

**December 17, 2019- 10:23 AM**

Derry’s premiere sledding hill isn’t really much to look at. It is surrounded on all sides by scrubby trees and bare bushes, with a tiny creek cutting it off from the real wilds of Derry. As Eddie and Bev approach on their bike, they are forced to ride in the middle of the road by the sedans and SUVs lining the narrow street. 

“Wow, looks like every child in the state of Maine decided to go sledding today.”    
Eddie swerves out of the way of a huge Ford and mutters curse words under his breath, “Yeah well, most of Derry is either covered in trees or pavement. So if you want to sled, this...,” he gestures at the, frankly, underwhelming hill, “...is your only option.”

Bev hops off the bike and surveys the hordes of children with a critical eye, “I suppose beggars can’t be choosers. Okay, now we just need to steal a sled from a child.” 

Mrs. Wallen, the church accountant, sends Bev a horrified look and hussles her child away. 

“She was kidding! We wouldn’t steal from a child!” Eddie yells at Mrs. Wallen’s retreating back. 

“One hundred percent wasn’t kidding, I can and will snatch a sled out from underneath one of these little monsters. I mean, how else are we supposed to disappoint your mother?” 

Eddie strides over Bev, dumping his bike at the curb, and links arms with her, “We do not need to  _ steal _ anything. Asking politely works just as well.” 

“Agree to disagree.” Bev tosses her short hair over her shoulder and pulls Eddie along towards a mother and child pair that are standing apart from the rest of the crowd. The kid is short, even by Eddie’s standards, and is dressed almost as colorfully as Bev. His mother looks nervous, like she’s worried he’ll sled too hard and break something, it’s a familiar expression. However, if this was Eddie’s mom she’d have already dragged Eddie home and shoved cold medicine down his throat. 

Eddie is very glad his mother isn’t here.

As they approach, the kid glances at them warily and then seems to decide they’re not interesting enough and takes off down the hill on his sled. 

“Hi, sorry to bother you,” begins Bev, “But my friend Eddie and I were wondering if we could borrow your sled? If it’s not too much of a hassle of course.”

It’s sort of scary how fast Bev can switch on this false politeness. Eddie noticed it at breakfast this morning as well, the plastic smile and wallpaper persona. Eddie also knows that he does the same thing around his mother, and basically every other adult that he meets.    
Once again he finds himself wondering about Bev’s childhood. 

The mother blinks and takes a moment to respond, “Oh, well I don’t know. Adrian is very particular about his sled, he saved up and bought it himself, you understand.” Her body language is guarded, she’s clearly not sure what to make of the pair. 

Eddie and Bev exchange a quick look.

“I completely understand,” Bev says as Eddie nods along helpfully, trying to appear as unthreatening as possible, “But this would be Eddie’s first time sledding ever, and I’m from out of state so we really don’t have a sled available.”

“Wait. You’ve never sled before?”

Eddie turns to see the child, Adrian, standing there with a disgusted expression on his face.

“I mean, no? My mom worried it would irritate my asthma.” 

_ Which I don’t actually have, like the rest of my health problems _ , Eddie adds silently.

“That’s fucking dumb-”

“Adrian…” 

“What? It is dumb. I have asthma and I’m the best sledder on this whole damn hill.” 

Bev’s mouth quirks up into a real smile, “I wasn’t aware that you could be the best at sledding.” 

“Yeah well, I totally am ‘cause nobody can sled as far as I can. Watch this.” 

Adrian spins on his heel, holds his sled to his chest, and takes off running towards the slope. 

“Be careful sweetheart!” yells Adrian’s mom as he takes a flying leap and rockets down the incline. 

“Seems like a nice kid,” Eddie winces at his awkward attempt at conversation, but Adrian’s mom doesn’t seem to notice. Her eyes are fixed on her son.

“He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Adrian slows to a stop and tumbles off of his sled, which he lifts above his head and shouts something that gets lost to the wind, but sort of sounds like, “I’m the best fucking sledder in the world.”

The rest of the kids at the bottom of the hill shy away from Adrian’s energy, but his mom just smiles softly. 

It makes Eddie’s heart hurt a little, that smile, it communicates clearly that she loves Adrian because of his quirks and not in spite of them. When Eddie looks at Bev he catches a similarly wistful expression on her face. 

Without even having to ask, Eddie and Bev reach out and join hands, clinging tightly to one another as the frigid wind steals the tears from Eddie’s eyes. 

When Adrian makes it back to the top of the hill his face is red and snot is running down his nose, but he’s smiling so bright that it kinda evens out. 

He looks at Eddie and holds out his sled, “Wanna try?” 

Eddie reaches out with his free hand and grips onto the sled, “Can you teach me how?” 

Adrian tries to cover up how pleased he is that Eddie wants to learn from him with a deep eye roll and a huffed out, “I guess.”

It doesn’t really work. 

“Okay. First step is to grip the sled with your hands parallel to each other. A little higher, if your elbows are sloped like that you’ll break your arms like twigs. God what do they teach you in high school, I said parallel not whatever that hell that is. Mom can you step back? I need a little more space, this dude is hopeless. Step two is run. Step three is dive. Make sure you don’t jump, you don’t want to go up, you want to go out. Step four is sled, keep your legs out flat behind you and point your toes, but don’t drag them on the ground, that’ll slow you down too much. And that’s it, got it all?”

“Uh…”

“Jesus Christ you’re hopeless. It’s not that hard! Step one, parallel. Step two, run. Step three, dive. Step four, sled. Easy!”

Eddie can hear Bev and Adrian’s mom laughing behind his back, but he doesn’t dare turn around and accidentally provoke his angry child tutor. 

“Right, easy.” Eddie glances at the hill and then at the other children who are mostly just going down sitting up. 

“Are you sure I can’t sled like that?”   
“You asked for my help, you’re getting it. Don’t be a baby.” 

“Yeah Eddie! Don’t be a baby!”

Eddie turns and glares at Bev, who is definitely recording. 

“Listen to your girlfriend Eddie, she’s obviously smarter than you.”

Bev’s bark of uproarious laughter causes Eddie to flush bright red, “She’s not my girlfriend.” And then, without thinking, he adds, “I’m gay actually.” 

(“Sick.”)

Adrian stares at him as if confused and Eddie can hear Bev stop laughing. For a moment everything is silent. 

Eddie runs for the hill and dives. 

The landing is a little rough, but he doesn’t really have time to consider it because suddenly he’s in the middle of step four and it’s better than Eddie thought it would be. 

He eventually coasts to a stop not quite as far into the field as Adrian got. But instead of immediately heading back to the top of the hill, Eddie rolls off the sled and flops onto his back, just staring at the sky for a moment. Then he raises his arm and flashes a thumbs up. 

Bev’s cheers reach him all the way at the bottom and his face splits into an involuntary grin. Eventually, Eddie sits up and looks to the top of the hill where Bev is standing with her arms above her head in a shape that kind of looks like a heart. Adrian, on the other hand, seems to be forming the number six with his arms, which Eddie takes to be his score out of ten. 

The hike back is undoubtedly the worst part of sledding, Eddie honestly can’t remember the last time his thighs burned quite so badly. At the top of the hill he is greeted by Bev throwing her arms around him in a hug and rocking back and forth so widely his hat falls off. 

“I genuinely thought you were going to chicken out, but look at you! You totally, actually did it. I’m so proud.” 

“Thanks Bev, I’m touched by how much you believed in me.”   
“Dick,” she punctuates her statement by snatching the sled out of his hands, “Hop on Adrian, let’s leave this Loser in our dust.”

Adrian sticks his tongue out at Eddie and clambers onto the sled ahead of Bev, then they’re off in a neon colored burst of speed. Eddie can’t keep his smile down.

“Thank you.”

Eddie makes a questioning sound at Adrian’s mother.

“Just, thank you for all of this.” She motions to where Bev and Adrian have started a snowball fight, “Adrian isn’t very popular among his peers and I think he enjoyed having you two here today. It means a lot to me, the way you’ve spoken to us and entertained him.” 

“Oh. That’s nice of you to say and all, but we didn’t come over here to cheer him up or anything, we really were just looking to use your sled. It just… sort of worked out this way I guess.” 

She laughs, and it’s different from Bev’s throaty cackle or Richie’s hiccupping chortle. It’s soft and polite, as if maybe she’s not used to being herself either. 

“I’m glad it did. It was nice to be reassured that there are decent people in this town.” 

“Happy to help.” 

Adrian’s mom extends a gloved hand and Eddie grips in a tight handshake, “Susan.”

“Eddie, but you already knew that.” 

Susan smiles past Eddie, eyes locked on the two approaching figures, and drops his hand, “So who won the snowball fight then?”

Bev grins at Adrian’s pouting face, “She cheated.”

“I did not! I just have a better arm than you.”

“Yeah whatever.” Bev snorts at Adrian’s easy dismissal, “Hey Eddie, wanna go again?” 

Eddie glances at Susan who is so full of love for her son and imagines his own mother sitting at home, waiting for Eddie to walk through that door so she can smother him with a blanket and declare he has a cold. He looks at Bev, who is grinning so brightly she seems to glow. And he looks at little Adrian with asthma who is loud and isn’t made to be quieter. And Eddie makes up his mind.

“Sure, but if Bev films me again I’m gonna throw her phone in the creek.” 

**December 17, 2019- 12:48 PM**

When Bev and Eddie eventually stumble back into the Kaspbrak house they are both damp from the snow and crying from the cold. 

Eddie barely has time to take off his snow laden boots before his mother comes swooping into the entryway and gasps like they brought home a dead animal. 

“Eddie-bear! What happened to my poor little baby?” She dashes to Eddie's side, bodily pushing Bev away in the process, “You look terrible!”

“I’m fine ma. Bev and I just went sledding is all.” 

“Sledding? Oh Eddie, tell me you didn’t!” Sonia places a hand on her son's forehead and nods to herself, “You definitely have a fever,” her hands move to either side of Eddie’s face and she peers into his eyes, “And possibly a concussion. I knew letting that retched girl stay with us was going to cause trouble, and look at you now!”

Behind Sonia’s back Bev is rolling her eyes and pretending to gag and it makes it really hard for Eddie to form an adequate response to his mother’s fretting. 

“Mom, I’m not sick and my actions aren’t Bev’s fault.” He steps away from Sonia’s cloying embrace, “I was the one who decided to go sledding, Bev was a really great friend and kept an eye on me the whole time. Honestly, she’s probably the only reason I didn’t break my arm again.”

Sonia’s eyes narrow, “Is that so?”

“It is Mrs. Kaspbrak. I’m really quite responsible.” Bev does her best to play innocent, but Sonia’s face is too impassive to tell if she believes the act. 

“In that case. Eddie is grounded for the next week and is forbidden from leaving this house-”

“What? That’s so unfair!” 

“-Also, because I have told you multiple times that I don’t like this new attitude of yours and you insist on continuing to act like a petulant, drugged-up, child that one week grounding has been extended all the way until you go back to school.”

“Mom,” Eddie digs his nails into his palms and forcefully shoves down the rising burst of rage that is threatening to erupt, “I understand where you are coming from, but don’t you think that is a little much?”

“Oh, I’m actually not done yet. I am going to call you everyday at 6 o’clock sharp and if you don’t answer I will drive out to that school and drag you back home myself. Is that clear?” 

The rage settles and cools in Eddie’s stomach, transforming into something like determination. More than anything he wants to turn on his heel and walk out of this house, to leave his mother behind and pursue a life free of her and the ugly thing she calls love. He wants to shout “FUCK YOU” in her face. He wants to come out. He wants to burn this fucking house to the ground. 

But he does none of these things, “I have a class until 6:30 on Tuesday’s.” 

“Well, then leave early. I come before your education Eddie.” 

Bev looks as furious as Eddie feels, but neither of them say a word, “I understand ma,” Eddie sucks in a deep breath, “Bev and I will be in my room.” 

Sonia looks entirely too pleased with herself and her voice comes out sickly sweet, “Remember, leave the door open.”

Eddie practically sprints up the stairs, Bev hot on his heels, and pushes his door open so hard he has to catch it to keep it from slamming into the wall. 

The expression on Bev’s face is a terrible mix of concerned and enraged, “Eddie, what do you need me to do right now?”

Eddie pitches his voice into a whisper, “Watch the hallway, make sure my mom isn’t coming upstairs.”

At this, Bev’s eyebrows draw together in confusion, but she doesn’t question him as she takes up position next to the door. 

Once Eddie’s sure the coast is clear he crosses the room to his bed and moves it away from the wall so the opening he cut into his mattress when he was 16 is accessible. When Eddie stands up again he is holding 4 tiny bottles of Fireball, Bev lights up at the sight. 

“I’ll chug mine, then we’ll switch and I’ll watch the hallway.” 

“Sounds like a plan to me; love that you have a secret stash by the way, it’s very 80’s teen comedy.” 

But Eddie’s too busy drinking his nasty Fireball to respond. When he finishes both he relieves Bev at the door and they switch positions. Except instead of chugging hers, Bev cracks his window and lights a cigarette, she cuts quite the figure sitting there on his desk with her open Fireball clutched between the fingers of her left hand and the cigarette smoking lazily in the right. 

“Now who is in a 80’s teen comedy.”

“Oh please, if they had put a girl like me on a movie screen in the 80’s the Concerned Christian Mothers of America would’ve murdered the studio heads with their bare hands.”

Eddie snorts, already starting to feel the effects of the Fireball in his system, “What do you mean ‘a girl like you’? Someone who smokes and drinks? Because I’m pretty sure that was the norm for the 80’s.” 

Bev doesn’t laugh like Eddie expects her to, “No. I mean…”

Eddie stands up a little straighter, concerned, but unwilling to leave the door unguarded, “Bev?”

“I mean bi. I’m bisexual. The Christian Mothers of America would riot over a bisexual girl in a teen movie. That’s what I meant.” 

“The Christian Mothers of America would be lucky to watch you on the big screen,” Eddie can feel tears springing to his eyes, but he holds his post by the door. 

“You think so?”

“I do. You’re so fucking cool Bev, not a lot of people would stick around here after everything and I hope you know that I platonically love you a lot.” 

“Love you too Eddie.”

“So, not to be a pain in the ass or anything after we just had a moment, but what were you planning to do with that video from earlier?”

“Um, originally? I was gonna send it to the groupchat, but since you came out I figured that wasn’t my place and I was just going to keep it around for memories sake. Why?” Bev takes a drag on her cigarette and blows the smoke through the open window. 

“I think you should send it to the Losers.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. I mean, why not?”

“Okay, is this Fireball Eddie talking?”

Eddie shrugs and checks the hallway another time, “I mean partially, but sober Eddie has been thinking it all day. I really think you should share it; sure it’s an embarrassing video, but I trust the Losers and I want them to know the part of me that video shows.”

Bev smiles, “You know Richie’s gonna make fun of you for running off right?”

“I’m counting on it.” Eddie can perfectly imagine the way Richie will laugh and the way his eyes will crinkle up at Eddie being bossed around by a small child. He actually sort of wishes he was here so Eddie could see it happen in real time. 

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yeah, you, Stan, and Bill already know anyway. It’ll be fine.”

“Okay, here goes nothing.”   
  


**December 17, 2019- 1:13 PM**

**The Losers Club**

**_Bev:_ **

[Shared a video]

Posted with eddies permission <3

Watch to the end for a surprise ;))))))))

**_Stan:_ **

Can’t believe you actually went sledding. 

Also, who is this child? And why is he cooler than you? 

**_Bill:_ **

HAHAHAHA the thumbs up at the end KILLS ME

**_Mike:_ **

youre wearing the heated coat love that you actually use it

**_Ben Haystack Hanscom:_ **

<3333333

Great form Eddie I think you really nailed those four steps!!!!

**_Dick Toes:_ **

ASDFGHLFGHJ

ASDFGHJK

DFHJDF

EDS IM LAUGHING SO HARD THE OLD WOMAN PLAYING CROQUET IS LOOKING AT ME WEIRD

**_Me:_ **

Thank you all for your support 

I’m flipping you all off except Ben and Mike

**December 17, 2019- 1:17 PM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Stan:_ **

Eddie, I know that deciding to share that video couldn’t have been easy and I just wanted you to know that I stand behind you 100% and am so proud to be your friend.

**_Me:_ **

It was a lot easier than I thought it would be

The Losers make me brave

**_Stan:_ **

Does this mean you’re gonna tell Richie you like him.

**_Me:_ **

Blocked 

**December 17, 2019- 1:18 PM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Ben Haystack Hanscom:_ **

Eddie!!!!!

I love you!! And I’m honored you decided to share that with me :))))

**_Me:_ **

Thanks Ben, love you too

<3

**December 17, 2019- 1:18 PM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Bill:_ **

I

AM

SO 

PROUD

OF 

YOU

!!!

**_Me:_ **

Wow, you really went “how do i support my friend in the most annoying way possible” and then did it huh

**_Bill:_ **

YEAH BASICALLY

**_Me:_ **

Thanks, I really do appreciate it

**_Bill:_ **

I know >;)

**December 17, 2019- 1:23 PM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Mike:_ **

okay this took me a while to type and i didnt proofread so sorry if theres typos

eddie i am so eternally glad that we became friends last year because knowing you and watching you grow as a person has been so wonderful because you are such a great person and you desrve so much in this world seeing you when you come back from breaks is so hard because you seem a little dimmer after time with your mom i dont know what shes like but i figure it isnt good and the fact that you shared this while being under her roof is so affirming because i think you are gonna outgrow that town soon and i cant wait for that day because you deserve beter than derry and we all deserve better than our own personal derrys and im just really happy to be your friend and also im gay too and youre the first person ive told and i might be into bill but dont tell him

**_Me:_ **

Mike I just started crying, this is so nice

I know I don’t talk about my home life a lot but if you ever need someone to listen to you about yours I’m here for you buddy

And maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this but Bill is definitely into you too and when we get back to school you should ask him out cause he’ll say yes :)

**_Mike:_ **

ill definitely take you up on that sometime soon

im a little day drunk rn cause i have family over and the iced tea has way more alcohol in it than i expected lmao 

please tell me youre not joking about the bill thing

**_Me:_ **

Bill has liked you since last year

ALso heres to being day drunk buddy

**_Mike:_ **

huh 

**December 17, 2019- 1:24 PM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Dick Toes:_ **

hey i know i made a joke in the groupchat but like i rly do appreciate that you told us lol

i hve issues w/ sincerity but im gonna try for u eddie spaghetti 

coming out is hard even to friends and its dope that u made the leap 

literally i guess lmaooo

whoops sincerity rite umm i think ur rly cool and fun and im constantly weirded out that u havent kicked me to the curb yet cause ur so much cooler than me haha i like being ur friend thanks and stuff

<3

**_Me:_ **

Okay maybe is the fireball talking but that was like really sweet adn I won’t ever ‘kick you to the curb’ because i like bein your friend a lot to rich

**_Dick Toes:_ **

u r drinking fireball rn??? NICE

thanks for being my friend eds :)

**_Me:_ **

Anytime

**_Dick Toes:_ **

weirdo 

<3 

u hve 2 do it back

**_Me:_ **

</3

**_Dick Toes:_ **

boooo

**December 17, 2019- 2:45 PM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Me:_ **

<3

**_Dick Toes:_ **

<3

**December 24, 2019- 11: 39 PM**

“Do you think your mother would disown you if we ditched and went back to school early?” 

It past week had crawled by and both young adults were nearing the end of their respective ropes. Even though Bev wasn’t grounded alongside Eddie, she refused to leave without him and so they have both been confined to the Kaspbrak household. Their elicit stash of Fireball ran out three days into the grounding and they started living out of an elaborate fort on day four. 

Currently, Eddie is sprawled across the floor of his room with Bev opposite him and they are engaged in a ferocious game of Uno. 

“Probably, but at this point I’m nearly willing to risk it.” 

Eddie lays out a blue eight and Bev grumbles under her breath. 

“We could probably make it to the front door before she even realizes anything is wrong.” Bev draws a card from the pile and triumphantly lays down a red eight. 

“I don’t know, she can move faster than you’d expect. And you really don’t want her to catch you. Also I’m changing the color back to blue.” Eddie smacks his card down, “Read ‘em and weep, bitch.”

Except Bev doesn’t weep. And she really doesn’t seem to read ‘em either. She just sort of stares at her cards, an unreadable expression on her face. 

“Hey Bev, you in there?” 

“Does your mom ever hit you?”

Eddie reels back as if he’s been shot, “No, never. My mom has never raised a hand against me, she’s cruel in other ways.” 

Bev nods, seemingly out of it, and puts down a red card. 

Clearly she wasn’t focused on the game anymore.

“Did your mom ever hit you?”

“No,” Bev slowly shakes her head, “But I barely remember my mom. My dad on the other hand…”

“Oh god Bev. I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.” 

“It’s okay, nobody really does except Stan. Well, I mean Richie knows that my dad sucks, but Stan knows all of it. He’s too observant for his own good, picked up on the way I flinch whenever someone raises their hand too fast a week into our friendship and told me I could talk to him about it if I wanted. Obviously I did, ‘cause I spilled the whole story to him in a study room with the word ‘dick’ written on the dry erase board with sharpie.”

“Do you want to talk about it now?” 

“Not really, been there done that you know? Do you want to talk about your mom?” 

(“Take your medicine Eddie, you’re unwell.”)

Eddie glances out the peephole they made in their fort so he can see into the hallway. It’s clear; for now. 

“Not really.” 

“I get it, I’m no Stan.”

“Yeah, that dude’s way too good at getting people to spill their guts.”

Bev suddenly looks incredibly interested in the conversation, “Oh yeah? What did he get you to talk about?”

Eddie can feel that this is about to go badly for him, this route of conversation may have been a miscalculation, “Nothing.”

“That’s so suspicious. You have to tell me now.”

“I really don’t.”

“Eddie,” she fixes him with a serious gaze, “If you don’t tell me I’m gonna continue to be annoying about it.”

“I figured. It really is nothing, Stan just likes hassling me about doing something about the small crush I have on Richie. It’s not really a big deal.” Eddie came out to all his friends days ago, but he still can’t bring himself to look at Bev as he says this. Instead, he stares at his twiddling thumbs and tries to breathe normally. 

“Eddie, this is amazing news. You like Richie?”

Eddie finally raises his head to Bev smiling like she won the lottery.

“A little. Why?”

“It’s just… I didn’t expect it. Like I wouldn’t have thought Richie was your type.”

“Really? I’m pretty bad about hiding it, you really didn’t notice me blushing all the time?” 

“No, sorry dude, but I was too busy staring at Ben. The second we are both in the same room my eyes lock onto him like magnets, he’s so ridiculously pretty I can’t not stare at him. One time I tried driving with him in the passenger seat of Richie’s car and I nearly killed us. It’s a legit problem.” 

“I don’t know how to respond to that.” 

Bev’s cards are lying face up now and Eddie figures the game is probably over, he’s going to consider himself the winner. 

“So, why Richie? What do you like about him?”

Eddie takes a moment to think about it, but just summoning the image of Richie’s face lights his face up like a traffic light.

“Oh yeah, I see the blushing now.”

“Shut up. And I guess I sort of like everything about him? Even the annoying stuff like the constant sex humor and loud fashion sense, it makes Richie more… Richie and I like that,” Eddie starts to put the playing cards away, “I like his smile a lot and the way he texts. Oh! And I’m obsessed with his freckles, mine only show up on my face, but he’s got them all over his arms and his neck. Also, he’s like really smart, but he’s not obnoxious about it and he’s never condescending when he’s explaining stuff, even if it takes a while for me to get it. He’s just fun and being around him makes me happy and I sort of always want to be around him not only because that means that I’ll always be happy, but also because that would mean Richie was always nearby. I’m not explaining this very well…” Eddie trails off into a laugh.

“Oh dude. You’re head over heels, huh?” 

(“Sick.”)

“No! Why would you say that?”

“Eddie, you’re ridiculous. I feel like you’re about to break into that song from Hercules.”

“What? It’s the truth, I’m not.”

“You just waxed poetic about him for like five minutes! You like the way he texts! Nobody likes the way he texts, it’s gotta be lo-”

“Don’t!”

“Okay,” Bev holds her hands up in a placating gesture, “I won’t, but why are you so afraid of that word?”

Eddie rolls his eyes, “I’m not afraid, I’m just not ready to face it right now, because once I admit it then it’ll be real and I’m terrified how that’ll change things.” 

“Well, speaking from experience, it only makes things better. I’m closer to Ben than ever and it’s entirely due to the fact that I decided to face my feelings for him and face the kind of person Ben is. It’s about being honest with yourself.”

Meeting Bev’s eyes in this moment is harder than it has any right to be, “I’m not quite there yet.”

“That’s okay, you’ve got time.”

**December 25, 2019- 12:01 AM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Dick Toes:_ **

merry xmas eds!!!!

**_Me:_ **

Thanks Richie

Merry Christmas to you too

**_Dick Toes:_ **

i hve a dope gift 4 u when u get back

spent way 2 much time on it lmao

**_Me:_ **

I just ordered your gift and I wouldn’t call it dope, but Bev hates it so I figure you’ll love it

**_Dick Toes:_ **

o nice!!!!

cant wait 2 c u guys again

winter break is 2 long :((((((

**_Me:_ **

Shut up, you’re in Florida

**_Dick Toes:_ **

its no fun w/o u eddie spaghetti 

:) <3 :)

**_Me:_ **

Can’t wait to see you too Rich

Bev says hi

**_Dick Toes:_ **

tell bev that im in love w/ her

**_Me:_ **

She says that she’s sorry but Ben is the one 

**_Dick Toes:_ **

foiled by bens gargantuan penis once again :(((

**_Me:_ **

ASDFGHJKJHGFD

Bev says first thing she does when she sees you is punch you in the dick

**_Dick Toes:_ **

looking 4ward 2 it <333

  
**January 10, 2020- 2:12 PM**

The first thing Eddie sees when he walks back into his apartment is Bill and Mike making out on the couch. Study materials are scattered haphazardly on the floor in front of them and Mike’s water bottle is slowly dripping onto the coffee table, his friends do not seem to notice any of this. 

“Guys, really?” 

They don’t seem to notice this either.

“Okay, whatever. I don’t have the energy for this, clean up the living room when you’re done and if you start getting handsy please go into one of your bedrooms, both of which are literally two feet away.” 

Eddie is pretty sure Bill flashes him a thumbs up, but he doesn’t stick around long enough to find out. Just before Eddie closes the door to his room he calls out to his friends, “Congrats, by the way!” 

And then he is alone for the first time in three weeks. It’s almost enough to make him cry. 

He doesn’t have very long to enjoy his solitude, however, because after about fifteen minutes of putting his clothes away, the front door of their apartment slams open and Richie’s voice fills the space, “I’m coming in! Hey Mike. Bill. Looks like you had a good Christmas break.” 

Eddie isn’t surprised when his bedroom door is shoved open in the same enthusiastic manner that the front door was and he isn’t surprised at the way his heart stutters seeing Richie standing in the doorway. What does surprise him is how Richie has changed over break. 

He’s tanner now, which only makes his freckles stand out more obviously against his skin, and his hair is shorter than it was when they met for the first time. He looks good, except for the hideous Santa hat perched on his head, of course. 

“What are you wearing?” 

Instead of answering, Richie bounds forward and wraps Eddie in a tight hug, lifting him off the ground at the force of it. 

“Eds, did you get shorter over break?”

“No! Put me down asshole, didn’t your mom ever teach you that it’s rude to lift people without their permission?” Eddie hopes his pretend anger is enough of an excuse for the way he’s blushing. 

“Who can say, I tuned out most of my mom’s lessons on manners.”

“Well, that would explain a few things.” Finally, Richie puts Eddie back on his own two feet and steps back. But he doesn’t let Eddie go entirely, Richie’s hands stay wrapped around his upper arms, effectively causing Eddie’s stomach to perform a complicated gymnastics routine. 

Richie smiles his wide smile, “It’s good to see you Eds.”

“Yeah, it’s good to see you too, asshole.” 

“Aw, I missed that frown in Florida. I’d do something stupid and expect you to materialize over my shoulder like a grumpy like angel.” 

The idea of Richie imaging him while on vacation in Florida is enough to make Eddie’s face grow even redder, “Well, I didn’t frown this specific frown nearly enough over break, it feels nice to get back in the swing of things.”

Richie laughs and, god, did Eddie ever miss that sound. 

“Anyway, I brought you your gift. Well actually it’s two gifts, but one is like the main gift and the other is a smaller, less important, side gift.”

“Richie, you didn’t have to get me two gifts. I only got you one.” And it was a joke gift anyway, Eddie’s starting to get concerned that maybe he miscalculated the seriousness of this gift exchange. 

“I know, I just wanted to. Here, this is the side gift by the way.” 

It’s not wrapped very well, it really just looks like Richie put this cylindrical gift on a thing of wrapping paper and taped it down until it was covered. Eddie can’t help but find it incredibly endearing. 

He tears the paper off to reveal a little gay pride flag and Eddie’s heart nearly stops. 

“After you came out, I just thought you might like something to memorialize the event and all. I was gonna get you a big one, but I figured you might not be ready for that yet. So, tiny pride flag. Do you like it?”

Eddie clutches that little flag like it’s a lifeline. Since the moment he first came out to Bill last year his friends have been nothing but supportive, and, logically, Eddie knows they aren’t homophobic because most of his friends are in some way not straight or cisgender. But Richie giving him this flag is the first time Eddie really gets that they aren’t going to turn on him because of his sexuality. It’s a tiny declaration of love and support and Eddie couldn’t be happier. 

“Eds?”

“I love it, thanks Richie.” He sends Richie the most sincere smile he can muster and the genuine response seems to catch Richie off guard, because he just stands there, blinking, for a few moments. 

“Uh..” Richie clears his throat with a cough, “You’re welcome.”

They both stand in silence for a few moments until Richie reaches into his back pocket and pulls out an envelope, “Here’s the other gift. Hope you like this one too.” 

The envelope is full of photographs, featuring all seven of the Losers. A few Eddie recognizes from his own Instagram and those of his friends, but most of them seem to be random candids of them together and apart. There are some from Halloween; Eddie smiles at one of Richie and Bev, soaking wet from the water ride and beaming at the camera. One features Stan T-posing with three birds on each arm and in another Mike is crying tears of laughter with Stan and the birds in the background. Eddie’s favorite is a toss up between a group shot of the Losers crowded into a Waffle House booth that they made their waitress take and one of just Richie and Eddie asleep on the couch, Richie’s head on Eddie’s shoulder. He remembers that night, they had decided to binge all of Lord of the Rings and fell asleep halfway through the second movie they watched. 

Eddie can’t remember receiving a better gift in his whole life.

This time it’s Eddie who initiates the hug by throwing his arms around Richie and burying his head in Richie’s chest. 

“Whoa! Hey, Eds. Guess I did a pretty good job on the gift-giving, huh?”

“This might be the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me.”

Eddie can hear Richie’s heartbeat, it’s beating almost as fast as Eddie’s own. 

“No offense Eds, but that’s not a very high bar.”

“God, you’re such an asshole.” But the smile he wears can be heard in his words and Richie understands that he means the exact opposite.

Eddie pulls away from the hug and grabs Richie’s expertly wrapped present from his backpack, “Here, it’s not nearly as nice as what you got me, but I hope you like it anyway.” 

“Oooh, yes! Gimme.” He practically snatches the present out of Eddie’s hands, causing Eddie to laugh. He’s really good at getting Eddie to laugh, which is one of the many,  _ many _ , things Eddie likes about Richie.

He rips off the wrapping paper with gusto, revealing the white clothing box Eddie stole from his mom’s closet. 

“Did you get me clothes? Oh I bet Bev was furious.”

“She was.”

“I’m so excited for this,” He removes the lid and immediately gets a face full of the ugliest button-up shirt Eddie could find online. The background is a horrendous shade of purple and it’s covered in truly eye-searing neon yellow and green palm trees. Sprinkled around are hot pink squiggles that sort of look like worms and bright orange confetti.

It’s hideous.

And Richie is crying as he stares at it. 

“This is the ugliest shirt I’ve ever seen. Thank you Eddie, I love it.” 

Eddie laughs, “Richie, why are you crying?”

“You just really nailed my taste. I can’t wait for Bev to see me in this, I think she might actually murder the both of us.” 

“Probably, it might be worth it though.”

“Yeah?” Richie raises his eyes to meet Eddie’s and maybe it’s the way the pale winter light hits him or the fact that his gifts reveal a deep understanding of Eddie, but the full force of his love for this ridiculous man hits Eddie right between the eyes. 

Stan and Bev were right, Eddie’s sort of ridiculously in love with Richie. 

_ FUCK _ .

“You still in there buddy?” Richie waves his hand in front of Eddie’s face, ignorant of the enormous revelation Eddie has just had. 

“Want to help me hang these photos on the wall?” His words come out louder and harsher than he intended, but it does effectively pop whatever bubble he and Riche had just been in. 

Richie looks surprised by the interjection, “Uh, yeah. I’d be happy to help, I mean it’s not like you can reach high enough by yourself anyway. ‘Cause you’re short.”

Eddie snorts and turns to grab the scotch tape roll he keeps in his desk.

“So funny and original, how do you come up with such fresh material?”

“It goes along with being a professional comedian and genius, you commonfolk wouldn’t understand.” 

When he spins to face Richie again the idiot is wearing the awful shirt over his black sweatshirt and he somehow makes it look better just by wearing it. 

Fuck, Eddie has it bad. 

“Here, you take this half and put them on the wall above my bed, I’ll put this half around my desk and we can meet in the middle.”

“Smart, I just want you to know that I will be taping these up in the shape of a penis.”

“Uh, no. You won’t.”

“Don’t worry, it’ll be tasteful.”

“Richie I swear to god, if you put a giant dick on the wall I’ll destroy you.”

“Promise?” 

Eddie can’t believe that out of all of his amazing friends, this idiot was the one he fell in love with. 

But he wouldn’t want it any other way.

**January 14, 2020- 5:57 PM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Big Bill:_ **

LMAO why is there a huge dick on ur bedroom wall

**_Me:_ **

Why are you in my room?

Also Richie did that

**_Big Bill:_ **

Im borrowing a shirt

Mike and I are going out and all I own is flannels

**_Me:_ **

If you spill anything on my shirt I’ll hunt you down

Have fun

**_Big Bill:_ **

We will ;))

**_Me:_ **

NO

**January 23, 2020- 11:11 AM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**Bev:**

Adrians mom just added me on facebook 0.0

like from the sledding hill

**_Me:_ **

I remember Susan! That’s sweet of her

Also why do you still have a Facebook??

**_Bev:_ **

i wanted to join that facebook group where everyone pretends to be ants lol

**February 2, 2020- 7:47 AM**

**The Losers Club**

**_Stan:_ **

[Shared a photo]

She said yes!!!!!!!

**_Bev:_ **

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HOLY SHIT STAN   
CONGRATS !!!!

**_Ben Haystack Hanscom:_ **

Stan that’s incredible <333333

You guys are so perfect together!!

**_Mike:_ **

wow stan thats amazing news! 

bill says he’s proud of you too :)

**_Bev:_ **

AHHHHHHHH

sorry still freaking out!! Stan i love you and Patty so much

**_Me:_ **

Congratulations Stan, what incredible news! Give Patty our best 

**_Dick Toes <3:_ **

STAN THE MAN!

i always knew youd b the first to get hitched

we should celebrate 2nite!! 

at some time that isnt ungodly early no offense stan but whyd u propose at the asscrack of dawn

**_Stan:_ **

It’s eight o’clock in the morning Richie.

**_Dick Toes <3:_ **

exactly???

**_Stan:_ **

And I don’t know, I just rolled over in bed and made eye contact and I realized I couldn’t wait any longer.

**_Ben Haystack Hanscom:_ **

Awww <333

**_Bev:_ **

im gonna cry thats so gross :’)))

**_Dick Toes <3:_ **

okay we get it u guys r qt or whatever

whens the bachelor party lmao

**_Stan:_ **

I don’t know.

That’s up to you, since you’re my best man and all.

**_Mike:_ **

oh damn that was smooth 

**_Dick Toes <3:_ **

r u serious??

**_Stan:_ **

You’re my best friend, of course I’m serious. 

The rest of you guys are going to be my groomsmen of course.

**_Big Bill:_ **

YES

**_Mike:_ **

lmao bill woke up just to accept

**_Bev:_ **

YESSSS

**_Ben Haystack Hanscom:_ **

I’d love to!!!!

**_Mike:_ **

id be honored to be one of your groomsmen stan

**_Me:_ **

Count me in

**_Stan:_ **

Richie?

**_Dick Toes <3:_ **

sry, had 2 go sob for a second LMAO

yes obviously ill b ur best man

love you buddy

**March 10, 2020- 6:13 PM**

“Yeah, ma. Love you too. Talk to you tomorrow, bye,” Eddie groans so loudly with relief after hanging up on his mom that he’s briefly worried his class heard him. The daily calls with his mother make Eddie want to bash his head into a wall, but Tuesday’s are the worst. 

He’s not sure what his Business Law class thinks he does every class at 6 o’clock because he never really bothers to explain himself, Eddie just tends to get up and leave. 

“Eds, is that you?” 

At the sound of Richie’s voice, Eddie snaps to attention and stops slouching against the wall. Coming down the hallway towards him is Richie and Mike, both are holding coffee and bagels and have clearly just come in from the brisk March air. 

“What are you two doing in the business building?” 

Mike shrugs, “I actually don’t know, Richie caught me on the way out of the library and asked if I wanted to go on an adventure. Now I’m here.”

Eddie turns his attention to Richie, which is where his attention always wants to be anyway, “Okay spill Tozier, where are you two headed?”   
“Can’t say, it’s a secret. If you want to find out you’ll just have to come with us I guess.”

“I can’t, I’m in class for another 15 minutes.”

Mike and Richie speak at the same time, “Skip.”

Shock splays itself across Eddie’s face, “I expected that from Richie, but from you Mike, I would have thought you’d value attendance.”

“It’s 15 minutes dude.”

That is, of course, a very good point, “My stuff is still in the room.”

Richie’s smile widens, “For you, Eddie Spaghetti, we will wait.” 

It only takes Eddie a moment to consider his options, “Okay, I’ll be right back.” He re-enters his classroom to the sound of Richie and Mike’s quiet celebration and immediately a dozen glazed-over sets of eyes turn to watch him. The walk to his desk isn’t far, but to Eddie it seems to take forever. Leaving class again is even worse. Now he can feel the eyes of his professor on his neck, watching him as he steps over backpacks and dodges extended legs. Fortunately, nobody stops him and he emerges into the hallway to find Richie and Mike laughing over a video on Mike’s phone. 

“I’m ready to start our adventure.”

“That’s cute Eds,” Richie comes over and pulls down Eddie’s beanie to cover his ears more, “But the adventure has already started. On me, lads!” This declaration is spoken in a bad British accent, because it’s Richie and of course it is. 

Eddie is in love with him. 

Their adventure takes them to the fourth floor of the building, which also happens to be the top floor. Richie leads his friends down a narrow hallway to the back of the building and stops in front of an unmarked door at the top of a short staircase, “Welcome boys, to the best kept secret of the business building.”

He throws the door open and light floods into the hallway, accompanied by frigid air. Once Eddie’s eyes adjust, he is able to see Richie’s surprise for what it is, a secret rooftop garden complete with outdoor seating and strung up fairy lights. 

Eddie is gobsmacked, “I’ve had classes in this building for three years and I never knew this existed. How is that possible? All business majors do is talk and brag about the cool shit they’ve done.” 

“See, that’s your issue. You only hang out with us and business majors with no imagination, if you want to know the cool shit this school has to offer you gotta get in with the art students. I found this place freshman year ‘cause I dated this film major named Sandy.”

Mike takes a seat on one of the outdoor couches and sips on his coffee, “She sounds cool.”

“Oh she was, way too cool for me, that’s why we broke up. I lured her in by carrying around a skateboard, but once she learned I couldn’t actually ride it I lost all credibility in her eyes.” 

Eddie sets his stuff down and claims the couch opposite Mike. Richie soon joins him, but refuses to sit right and instead of putting his legs on the footstool like a normal person he throws them on Eddie’s lap. And that is totally cool and fine and definitely not a problem for Eddie at all.

“I can’t believe you used a skateboard to pick up girls.”

“And boys! And it totally worked so suck on that Edward.” 

_ Richie is into boys. Cool. _

_ Richie is into boys and has his legs in my lap. Double cool.  _

_ Everything is COOL and FINE and Jesus Christ I’m not going to be able to keep a lid on these huge fucking feelings for much longer.  _

“I came out to my mom yesterday,” Mike says, out of the blue. He’s picking at his coffee cup, lips pressed tightly together.

Richie is the first to get his wits about him, “Oh shit, how’d that go?”

“Could’ve been better, but it definitely could’ve been worse? She told me that she loves me no matter what and that she didn’t understand why I choose to be gay, but would support me none-the-less.” 

“That’s really good buddy. She’s gonna get better and more understanding with time, you know that right?”

“I do. It’s just, I wish she was understanding right now. Like, I called her at lunch today because my cousin is getting married in two months and I wanted to talk about what I should bring and if Bill could come. And she got so uncomfortable when I mentioned I was seeing someone. In the grand scheme of things that’s a pretty good reaction, but…” 

“It still hurt,” Eddie finishes.

“Yeah, it did.”

Richie shifts so his feet are planted firmly on the ground and Eddie misses the contact, “When I first told my parents I was bisexual, my mom told me she thought she was bisexual and I was so excited to have that in common with her. But I realized pretty quickly that she only said that because she wanted me to see that bisexual people can still end up in hetero relationships.” Mike winces and Eddie places a hand on Richie’s shoulder, “I’m not saying this to detract from your experience Mike, I’m telling you this because my mom is so much better now. Mags apologized pretty quickly for that shitty maneuver and now we have a pride flag on our front porch and my parents marched in the San Francisco Pride parade last year. My dad wore a crop top and he actually sort of made it work, it was super weird.” 

Eddie laughs and even Mike smiles at Richie’s joke, “Thanks Richie, that’s nice to hear. I don’t think my parents are ever going to be in a Pride parade,” he says with a laugh, “but I hope that by the time the wedding rolls around I can introduce them to Bill without it being weird.”

Oftentimes, Eddie speaks without thinking. Some of the best things in his life began with nothing more than a gut feeling and instinctual action, like the time he went to that party with Richie and Bill. This moment, however, is defined by how much Eddie is thinking. 

He opens his mouth, “I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to tell my mom I’m gay, not if I want her in my life, that is.” 

Sonia Kaspbrak has always been a no go point of conversation amongst his friends. Even Bill and Bev only know parts of the story, but Eddie is so tired of carrying the weight of his childhood around alone.

“She might surprise you,” Richie offers. 

“No, I don’t think she will. Growing up in that house...” Eddie shakes his head.

“You don’t have to tell us Eddie,” Mike says, concern written all over his face.

“I want to though. I don’t want to keep this to myself anymore, for so long I’ve been protecting her and isolating myself out of embarrassment and I’m tired of it.” 

Eddie takes a deep breath and begins to speak, “The first thing you need to know about my mom is that she’s always been a neat freak, but when my dad was still alive it was manageable, from what I remember. Then my dad got sick and died pretty suddenly, I was four and didn’t really get that he was gone, just that my mom was sad and I wasn’t allowed to play outside anymore. Things got worse after that. My mom started taking me to all sorts of doctors and it turns out I was really sick, she put me on all these pills and I got an inhaler for my asthma and special hypo-allergenic laundry soap and a permanent note excusing me from gym. That’s how I lived, for years I was afraid to step on my own lawn and I basically ate exclusively oatmeal because of all my food allergies-”

“But you don’t have any food allergies.” Richie interjects.

“Yes, I’m getting to that. When I was 13 or 14, can’t exactly remember, I went to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription and the girl behind the counter told me that everything was fake. The pills were sugar, my inhaler just sprayed fucking tonic water,” Eddie is clenching his hands so tightly that it starts to hurt, “I wasn’t allergic to fucking anything and my mom had basically been lying as a way to control me. Naturally, I was furious and I told my mom that I wasn’t going to take the pills anymore and I threw my inhaler out. For about five days I was real fucking rebellious, on the fifth day I had a panic attack and my mom gave me my inhaler to calm me down. It worked and I was back under her thumb again. I knew it was all bullshit placebos, but I kept using them anyway because I’m a goddamn idiot. Did you know, Richie, that I wore a fanny pack with my inhaler inside until last fall? I’m sure Mike remembers. Fun fact, the last time I wore it was actually the day we met Rich, running away from that party was actually what convinced me I didn’t need it anymore. Oh! And I tried shrimp for the first time last week when we all went out for sushi. So yeah, that fucked me up pretty good, but you want to know the disease my mom was afraid of me contracting above all others? No guesses? None at all? It’s gotta be good ol’ homosexuality of course! You can’t imagine the way Sonia used to rail against gay men and their dirty gaze that would infect good, little straight boys like me. As if I ever had a chance to be straight, I mean, the kids in school picked up on it pretty early, don’t know what tripped mom up.” Eddie is shaking violently at this point and hasn’t made eye contact with either of his friends in a while, partially because of the tears that are pouring out of his eyes and obscuring his vision. When Mike’s hand settles on Eddie’s arm he jumps and reers back, finally raising his head to see the expressions on the faces of his friends.

They both look devastated, Richie especially. 

“Sorry, I guess that was a bit of a bummer.”

“Eds…” Richie’s voice comes out choked.

“You don’t have to apologize to us Eddie, Richie and I really appreciate that you trusted us with all that. I know it wasn’t easy for you to share, but I’m really glad you did, we both are,” His friends nod in harmony, clearly on the same page, “Nothing in there was anything to be embarrassed about, by the way, you experienced some serious trauma as a kid and it makes sense that it took you awhile to come to terms with the lies your mom fed you.”

“Thanks Mike.”

Richie sniffs, “Well, I mean, the fact that you wore a fanny pack is a little embarrassing, but nobody’s perfect.”

The laugh that bursts out of Eddie’s throat is snotty and gross, but at the sound of it Richie smiles like he won the lottery.

“You’re such an asshole Rich.”

“Oh yeah, definitely. But I’m also the reason you stopped wearing fanny packs, so I think you should be thanking me.”

Mike shoves Richie, causing him to topple over onto the cement floor of the garden.

“Now who’s the asshole!” 

“Still you, Richard.” 

The boy in question juts out his bottom lip dramatically and pouts from his position on the floor. 

“Hey Eddie.”

“Yeah Mike?”

“Maybe I’m overstepping a bit, but I think you might benefit from seeing one of the therapists on staff here. I go once a month to work through the trauma of growing up black in small town America and it’s actually pretty helpful.”

“I go too,” says Richie from the ground.

Eddie raises an eyebrow, “You do?” 

Richie hums in agreement, “In case you hadn’t noticed I have some pretty severe abandonment and self-worth issues, talking to Dolores every week helps.” 

Richie being sincere was always a bit of a shock, this was no exception. 

“Okay, yeah, I’ll look into it.”

Mike beams, “Great! Can we do inside now? My coffee’s gone cold and my fingers are turning blue.”

“Bet you wish you had a heated coat now, huh?” 

“Eddie, if we don’t go inside in the next five minutes I will tear that coat off of you and use it as a heated scarf.”

“Well nobody’s stopping you Micycle.”

That realization seems to hit Mike and without a word he stands and races for the door, but he does remain to hold it open for Eddie and Richie, who has finally gotten off the ground. 

“You two coming?”

Richie turns and looks down at the seated Eddie, “What do you think Eds?” He extends his hand, “Are we coming?”

“Gross Richie,” but he takes his hand all the same. 

**March 15, 2020- 11:56 PM**

**You Were Right Groupchat**

**_Me:_ **

Just making this to say you were right

I’m in love with Richie

Now I don’t want to hear anymore about it

**_Bev:_ **

lmao 

hey Stan fancy meeting you here ahahaha

**_Stan The Man:_ ** **_  
_ ** I called it back in October.

Hey Bev.

Eddie you better treat him well.

**_Me:_ **

Just because I’m in love with him doesn’t mean I’m gonna make a move

**_Stan The Man:_ **

WHY

**_Bev:_ **

Eddie…

bruh…

**_Me:_ **

What?! I’m not ready for a relationship and I don’t know if he likes me back AND what if it’s weird and we were better as friends and everything falls apart??

**_Bev:_ **

ohhh i get it

I thought this was a bully Eddie groupchat but its actually a lovelife helpline

**_Me:_ **

No it isn’t

Shut up 

[Eddie Kaspbrak has left the Groupchat]

**March 16, 2020- 3:19 PM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Me:_ **

Thank you for giving me your number. Today was really helpful.

**_Dr. Mukherjee:_ **

Glad to hear it Eddie :) I’m looking forward to seeing you next week. 

**_Me:_ **

Me too

**April 12, 2020- 12:34 PM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Me:_ **

I have been at church since 9 in the morning

We get it, Jesus died and resurrected good for him

**_Richie <3:_ **

yikes 

steal the church wine lmao 

**_Me:_ **

No

It’s basically grape juice anyway

**_Richie <3:_ **

ur no fun

wait let me booty call ur mom real quick 

thatll get u out of there real fast 

**_Me:_ **

Okay do it

**_Richie <3:_ **

wut 

**_Me:_ **

Do it, booty call my mother in the middle of church

**_Richie <3:_ **

i dont know wut 2 do from here

**_Me:_ **

Ahahahahahahahahahahaha

**April 20, 2020- 4:20 PM**

**The Losers Club**

**_Bev:_ **

WEED DAY WEED DAY

**_Richie <3:_ **

WEED DAY WEED DAY

**_Mike :’):_ **

weed day weed day

**_Big Bill:_ **

WEED DAY WEED DAY

**_Ben Haystack Hanscom:_ **

Weed day weed day !!!!!

**_Me:_ **

WEED DAY WEED DAY

**_Richie <3:_ **

com on stan dont let us down buddy

**_Stan the Man:_ **

[Shared a picture]

**_Bev:_ **

STAN URIS IS THAT A BLUNT ??

**_Big Bill:_ **

Stan blazes… RAD

**_Me:_ **

5 bucks it’s Patty’s 

**_Stan the Man:_ **

It’s Patty’s

**_Richie <3:_ **

noooooooo stan u were almost cool

**_Stan The Man:_ **

[Shared a photo]

For Richie specifically.

**_Mike :’):_ **

stan flipping the bird, how fitting

**_Ben Haystack Hanscom:_ **

WEED DAY WEED DAY

**April 23, 2020- 6:45 PM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Me:_ **

My mom and I fought

**_Dr. Mukherjee:_ **

Eddie I’m sorry, how are you feeling?

**_Me:_ **

Uhhh

Bad

I’m feeling bad Paramita

**_Dr. Mukherjee:_ **

Expand on that, are you safe? Are you calm? 

**_Me:_ **

I thinking I might be having a panic attack 

SHes already talking about me going hmoe for the sumer and I dont think i can Paramita 

**_Dr. Mukherjee:_ **

Eddie, remember that square breathing technique I taught you? I want you to focus on your breaths okay?

Are you feeling better? Should I call someone?

**_Me:_ **

I’m better, still freaked out and shaking a bit but better

**_Dr. Mukherjee:_ **

Great! Now it’s clear that you have a lot of anxiety about going home for the summer, have you ever considered not doing that? 

**_Me:_ **

Not going home or not being anxious?

**_Dr. Mukherjee:_ **

Not going home.

**_Me:_ **

I’ve thought about it but my mom would disown me and I’d lose my funding for school

**_Dr. Mukherjee:_ **

Eddie, your mental health and wellbeing comes above all else. If going home is going to be detrimental to your healing process you don’t have to do it. 

**_Me:_ **   
Thanks for the concern, but I can handle one more summer with her. Next year I’ll be graduated and I can leave and never look back at Derry

**_Dr. Mukherjee:_ **

If you’re sure, just keep it as an option.

**_Me:_ **

Yeah

See you in two days

**May 13, 2020- 11:26 AM**

**The Losers Club**

**_Big Bill:_ **

Miss u already Eddie!

Facetime us whenever u can OR ELSE

(the or else is we will facetime u and be very put out about it)

**_Bev:_ **

love you Eddie!! 

also lmao bill

**_Ben Haystack Hanscom:_ **

Eddie this summer is gonna be so hard without you!!! I love being wall neighbors with you and I can’t wait until we are back together in the Fall !!!

**_Mike :’):_ **

call me if you ever need anything

i mean anything

**_Stan The Man:_ **

Make sure to tell your mom the wedding is in early August and we’d love it if she’d let you come. 

And if that doesn’t work call me and I’ll beg, it won’t be our wedding without you.

**_Richie <3:_ **

txt me when u get 2 derry eds 

gotta make sure the bus didnt derail along the way lmao

**May 13, 2020- 7:51 PM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Richie:_ **

made it home yet ?

**May 13, 2020- 8:41 PM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Richie:_ **

dude you good??

**May 13, 2020- 9:58 PM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Richie:_ **

ok not 2 b clingy or anything but r u safe? 

**May 13, 2020- 10:14 PM**

**Private Text Conversation**

**_Richie_ ** **:**

eds im like legit worried plz tell me ur ok

**May 13, 2020- 10:34 PM**

**The Losers Club**

**_Richie:_ **

has eddie talked 2 any of u guys since he left

**_Stan The Man:_ **

No, why?

**_Richie:_ **

hes not answering any of my texts im sorta worried

**_Big Bill:_ **

Oh shit 

sometimes his mom does this thing where she takes his phone ??

Like he couldnt text us AT ALL last summer

**_Richie:_ **

thats so fucked

**_Bev:_ **

sounds like Sonia

real piece of work that one

**_Mike :’):_ **

yeah she sucks

**_Ben Haystack Hanscom:_ **

Last summer we talked about rescuing him maybe we actually do it this summer???

**_Bev:_ **

love that idea babe

im in

**_Richie:_ **

me 2

**_Stan The Man:_ **

We can’t. Sonia Kaspbrak is Eddie’s monster to face, we can help him, but we can’t force the confrontation if he isn’t ready for it.

**_Big Bill:_ **

That SUCKS

**_Richie:_ **

thats bullshit 

**_Stan The Man:_ **

Richie, trust me. Eddie has to make the first move, just be patient. 

**_Mike :’):_ **

eddie’s too much for that place, has been for a long time

he’ll figure it out soon and then we ride in and get him the fuck out of derry

**May 19, 2020- 1:13 AM**

Eddie can’t sleep. 

Eddie can’t do this anymore. 

He told Paramita that he could handle one more summer with his mom, one more summer in this backwards town, and at the time he honestly thought it would be okay. But now that he’s here and cut off from his friends? 

_ I can’t do this anymore.  _

So he silently slides out of bed and over to his dresser on the far side of the room, it’s difficult to navigate in the dark, but he eventually feels his way to the sock drawer. If Eddie’s going to make this work he has to be as quiet as a mouse, hence the socks, and very lucky. 

Eddie knows his mom keeps his phone on her nightstand, right next to the bed, so the current plan is to sneak into the room, retrieve the phone, and text the Losers for help, all without ever having to speak to his mother. It is, admittedly, not a very good plan. But Eddie’s desperate and sleep deprived enough to try it. 

After years of living in this house Eddie has learned which floorboards in the hallway creek, and which ones don’t. Mostly.

Halfway down the hallway his foot lands on a creaky floorboard and the resulting sound is possibly the loudest thing Eddie’s ever heard. Fortunately, Sonia’s snoring continues uninterrupted. 

When he gets in range of her door, Eddie drops to his knees and slowly pushes the door open. This way, if his mom wakes up, she won’t immediately see him in the doorway, giving him a few extra moments to retreat. Or at least that’s the idea. Tonight luck appears to be on Eddie’s side and the door opens enough for him to slip through with minimal noises to alert the room’s occupant. 

Crawling along the floor of the bedroom and rolling under the bed to text with some relative safety is easy compared to the journey down the hall. 

Eddie manages to turn his sound off and the brightness down just as the phone flashes a low battery warning. 

“Perfect.” He mutters under his breath. 

Eddie opens the groupchat and types as quickly as possible, not entirely sure how much battery he has left. 

**May 19, 2020- 1:34 AM**

**The Losers Club**

**_Me:_ **

Mom sucks, can’t stay here

Phone dying might not respond

Can someone come get me the fuck out of here? 

Please

**May 19, 2020- 1:34 AM**

The sound of his mom stirring above him forces Eddie to stop staring at the screen and hoping the typing bubbles would appear. The rhythmic snoring that was the soundtrack to Eddie’s escapade comes to an end and the bulge in the bed changes shape as Sonia Kaspbrak sits up and pushes herself to her feet.

Eddie is certain his heart is about to pound out of his chest, every fiber in his body is screaming that she’s about to bend over and drag him out from underneath the bed. But she doesn’t.

Instead his mom makes her way to the door and turns into the hallway, headed away from the front of the house, and Eddie's room, and towards the second floor bathroom. 

Eddie slides out from under the bed and places the now dead phone back on the nightstand, before racing back to his own bed and throwing the comforter over his head. Somehow this is more terrifying to Eddie than when Henry Bowers chased him out of the house party. Just the thought of that night and his friends brings a smile to Eddie’s face. 

_ I’ll see them soon _ .

_ I hope. _

**May 19, 2020- 1:40 AM**

**The Losers Club**

**_Richie:_ **

omw

**May 19, 2020- 5:51 AM**

The sun isn’t even risen when a car horn sounds outside Eddie’s childhood house. He doesn’t really need to check to know it’s for him, but he does anyway. 

Eddie throws open his window, the same one Bev smoked out of so many months ago, and waves to the car parked out front, the taste of freedom on his tongue. 

Richie climbs halfway out of the drivers side window and cups his hands around his mouth, “Morning Eds! You ordered an Uber?” 

Eddie yells back, too excited about seeing Richie again to really care who hears, “You look like shit!”

“So do you!”

They’re both smiling as wide as they ever have, the smile doesn’t drop off Eddie’s face even when his bedroom door opens behind him and his mother steps into the room. 

“Eddie, what is going on?” 

He ignores her, “I’ll be down in a moment Rich.” Richie gives him a thumbs up and turns up the volume on the Ska band he was listening to. 

Eddie loves him. 

“What do you mean you’ll be down in the minute? Who is that boy Eddie? What is going on!”

“I’m leaving ma,” Eddie grabs his backpack from the floor and shoves a bunch of clothes in it along with his laptop, “I’m leaving and I don’t think I’m coming back.”

“What do you mean you’re leaving?” 

A few of Eddie’s favorite comic books find their way into the backpack and then he’s zipping it up, still dressed in his satin pajamas, and sliding on a pair of house slippers. 

“I mean, that I’m leaving. I’m going with Richie and I’ll probably live at school for the summer and I’m also not going to come home for breaks any more. I just can’t do this again.”

“Eddie, don’t you dare. If you leave this house you’ll be entirely cut off, I won’t pay for your school if you can’t respect me.” She’s taking up the whole doorway and Eddie can’t squeeze past her, so he squares himself up and meets her eyes, “Respect is earned and taking care of my own finances is a small price to pay for getting out of here. Being in this house and being with you is actively harmful to me and I am not obligated to stay because you’re my mom and you raised me. And if we’re being honest, you kind of fucked up the raising me part.”

“How dare you! I have always protected you because I love you Eddie. With all my heart.” 

(“You’re delicate Eddie-Bear.”)

(“Fragile”.)

“No.” 

(“Thanks for being tough enough to yell at loud strangers.”)

(“i think ur always brave eds”)

“How you treated me wasn’t done with love, it was done out of fear. And I never needed you to protect me; I am strong, and brave, and tough, and I’m tired of being around people who treat me like I’m not.”

Eddie tries to walk past, but Sonia grabs his wrist, “I do love you Eddie, of course I do, you’re my son. You aren’t allowed to walk away like this sweetheart. Don’t you get it? The world is dangerous, with all sorts of wicked people-”

“Wicked like you? Or wicked like gay? Because I hate to break it to you mom, but I’ve been gay the whole fucking time!”

That gets her to let go of his arm real fast, “Eddie, tell me it isn’t true. Tell me you aren’t sick.”

“Well, I can either tell you I’m gay or lie; and you think both are a sin so I really don’t think you want me to answer that one.” 

“It’s okay Eddie, we… we can fix this.” 

(“People like that are sick, Eddie. Sick.”)

(“I want you to stay away from that Miller boy Eddie. His parents may condone that sort of lifestyle, but I for one miss the days when boys were embarrassed to wear skirts.”)

“There’s nothing to fix mom! There’s nothing wrong with me, there never has been! I’m gay and that’s just the way things are.” He makes it into the hallway and heads for the stairs, but pauses before he gets there, “I used to wish I was straight, it was my birthday wish every year from ages ten to eighteen, but now I wouldn’t change if I could, because there’s this guy and I’m in love with him. And I can’t imagine a world where I’m not grossly head-over-heels for him, so…” Eddie waves good-bye and starts to leave again, before stopping one more time, “And I’m gonna change my major, business sucks ass.” 

With those final words Eddie thunders down the stairs, charges out the front door, and races to Richie’s idling car like Henry Bowers himself was on his heels. 

“I was worried, thought your mom might try to lock you in your tower.”

“She tried.”

“That’s my Eds.”

As their car drives off down the road Eddie walked a million times growing up, he feels nothing but relief at the thought of never seeing Derry again. He is ready to let this place go.

Well, almost ready.

“Richie, wait! Turn here!” 

Richie swears violently and turns off down the narrow path Eddie directed him towards, “A little warning next time, alright there buckaroo.” 

“The Australian guy? Really?”

“What? It felt appropriate.”

“Buckaroo is a cowboy thing.” 

The sun is just starting to creep into the car, illuminating every strand of Richie’s hair as he tosses his head in false derision, “Everyone’s a critic.”

Eddie sees their destination approaching and puts his hand on Richie’s arm, “We’re here.”

“Oh cool. Where exactly are we?”

Eddie hops out of the car and begins to shed his clothes, “The quarry.” 

Richie opens the car door, “Okay and why are you taking off your clothes?” 

“I’m going to jump.” 

“Terrible idea,” Richie starts getting undressed too, “I’m in,” When he lifts his shirt over his head Eddie is startled to see he’s as red as Eddie feels.

His voice is small in the morning air when he speaks, “You don’t have to.”

“Like hell I’m letting you jump alone.” 

Eddie is in love with him.

Eddie is in love with him.

_ I’m in love with Richie. _

“I’m in love with you.”

Eddie didn’t think it was possible for Richie to get any redder, but he was wrong. Richie has fully transformed into a tomato and Eddie probably doesn’t look much better.

But he doesn’t take it back. 

_ All you have is your heart and all you can do is give it away. _

“Are you serious?” 

“Uh, yeah.”

“You’re in love with me?”

“Sure am, if that’s cool with you I mean.” 

“Uh huh,” Richie’s voice is too high pitched to be casual, “Super cool.” 

“Not to make this weirder than it already is, but, like, I’m sort of crazy about you? And have been for a while, maybe October? That’s when Stan noticed at least. I didn’t really figure it out until January when we exchanged Christmas gifts, you’re kind of the best at gift giving. Anyway, if you don’t feel the same that’s cool-”

“Eddie.” 

When had Richie gotten that close? Last time Eddie checked he was still over by the car, but now he is close enough to reach out and touch.

“Yeah?”

“I have literally been flirting with you since the day we met.”

“Oh, well you’re like that with everyone.”

“No, you’re different Eds. Always have been.”

“Oh.”

“Can I kiss you now?”

Lightning shoots down Eddie's spine, equal parts fear and ecstatic hope, “Yeah, go for it dude.”

Richie laughs and Eddie can feel it against his face. He goes to say a dumb Richie-esque joke, but then they’re kissing and nothing really matters anymore. Eddie doesn’t have a whole lot of experience with kissing and it’s clear Richie doesn’t either, but Eddie figures that’s okay because they’ve got plenty of time to figure it out together. 

Eventually Eddie pulls away and rests his forehead against Richie’s, letting the quiet of the morning settle all around them. 

“So you want to jump now?” But of course Richie’s never been quiet in his life.

“Yeah, I’d like that.” 

Hands interlocked, they approach the edge, and Eddie stares at the long drop before them. However, Richie’s gaze never leaves the planes of Eddie’s face. 

“Hey Eds.”

“Hmm?”

“I love you too.”

Their eyes connect. 

They share a soft smile. 

And they jump off the edge together.

**Author's Note:**

> Just wanted to say thank you again! I hope you enjoyed :))


End file.
